Before I was introduced to Orgasmic Meditation, I wasn’t feeling a lot of personal power. I felt shut down and contracted. There were a lot of things I wanted—hopes and dreams I had that felt like they were stuck and locked up inside of me—that I couldn’t even begin to express.
It was my ex-husband who told me about OM. We had a very spiritual relationship, so I trusted it. When he said he felt that OM was something that would really benefit me, knowing that this might be something that could actually pull us apart, I understood it was a huge risk he was taking. In offering it to me, he was standing for me and my growth.
My first OM was with my ex-husband and because of the spiritual nature of our relationship there was a lot of sensation around it on many levels. When I did it again at a retreat, it opened up a whole new aspect of myself. I OMed in a room with another couple and a timekeeper. In this instance, the timekeeper was very rushed. My body was telling me not to do it, it doesn’t feel good. This response wasn’t around the OM practice, it was around me not wanting to be rushed. My body doesn’t respond well to being rushed. I become tense and nervous. I headed into the OM anyway.
The OM itself was fine. My partner kept the container intact. When I left the OM, however, I burst into tears. Afterwards, I had a conversation with a woman about it and she said, “You couldn’t find your ‘No.’”
That felt so true for me. It opened this huge view to look at all the places in my life where I don’t speak my ‘No’; or where I say yes when what I mean is no; or where I feel unsafe and jump in anyway, because I’m telling myself I should overcome those feelings in my body that are saying no and do it anyway.
That particular OM revealed the ways I wasn’t listening to my body. Processing my feelings and seeing where I had betrayed or abandoned myself was a huge breakthrough.
My pattern of not listening to my body translated into my life in so many ways. Early on in my OM practice, I met a man who asked me, “What do you desire?” I wanted to punch him! I felt so angry and confronted. My body was shaking. I had no idea what my desires were. It felt frightening to me to be asked what my desires were and not know. I felt so out of touch. In my OM practice, asking for adjustments became a tiny crack of a door opening for me to start asking for what I want.
I’m now in a different spot where I’m more in touch with and stating my desires. Something has shifted in me entirely; the way I talk to men, the way I ask for what I want, the way I stand for what I want, and how I say when I’m not getting what I want, without making it about the other person.
This shift spilled into my life as it became clear that I didn’t want to be working at the same job for the public school system anymore. It was starting to affect my health. I resigned and decided to go on a completely different path. This was something I’d never been able to do before. When I had thought of leaving my job 20 years earlier, I had a breakdown. It was the only thing I could see myself doing. This time, I’d gotten in touch with my purpose.
Getting my intention clear and thinking about my desires have become daily practices for me, and it started with making adjustments in the OM nest. Getting over that uncomfortable voice that would say I was asking for too many adjustments during my OMs, and pushing myself to keep asking—"stroke over to the left, move a little higher"—opened up a whole window for me to do something I’ve never been able to do before: create a job I love. I’m now clear on what it is I desire and I can ask for it and not feel ashamed of it or feel a lack of confidence around it, or even be attached to it. I have a clear path to what I really want in my life.
Carla is a 57-year-old woman who works as a mindfulness trainer and life coach.