Before OM, when it was my turn to put the kids to bed, I used to do it as quickly as possible. Now, I slow down with them. I feel each piece and each moment of that beauty.
The night I first learned about the Orgasmic Meditation, I think I may have actually gotten up from my computer to peek through the curtains of my hotel room window—which would have been totally ridiculous, because I was on the 7th floor. But I had a very ‘look over your shoulder’ sort of feeling as I plugged the word “sexuality” into the Meetup page I was browsing.
Work had taken me to New York City, and the whole week I’d been bouncing back and forth between my hotel room and an office. Towards the end of my trip I was flipping through the channels, looking for something to put me to sleep, and I had a real urge to go out and do something fun. I was in New York for crying out loud.
I went to a Meetup page and was searching through my normal board game and tech groups when I had a thought. I was 1,200 miles away from home. Nobody knew me here! Instead of Settlers of Catan... I typed in sex.
Everything was so risqué! Tantra, Swinger Groups—BDSM! I almost closed my browser right there. It was all a bit much for me.
But then I saw an event called “Conversation about Connection, Intimacy, and Desire.” Huh, I thought. That sounds interesting. The photo was of a beautiful white room, and the people looked nice and friendly. It felt like something I could do. “That!” I said out loud. “I can do that!”
So I went. And I was blown away. The people there were bright and beautiful and vulnerable and honest. Whatever was going on there, I knew I wanted it in my life.
I kept going back to their events. Finally, somebody asked me if I wanted to learn Orgasmic Meditation.
“What’s that?” I asked. I hadn’t even heard the word yet. “Is that the next thing?”
“Yeah,” they said. “That’s kind of the thing here.”
I remember this one moment around that time. I was sitting at my house in Dallas, looking around at all that I had. My big house, which sat on a golf course lot. My beautiful family was sleeping upstairs. The next day, I would wake up early for a CTO level job at a big company. Or not—I could work from home. I had everything, right? Yet I felt sad and really disconnected inside.
That’s why I was so intrigued by these people who just seemed to crackle with connected energy. That’s why I was so willing to try OM.
I remember feeling really unsure and nervous in my first OM. I noticed something going on in my body, but I was so unattuned I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. It was only later, after I’d been OMing a while, that I could look at these sensations and say, “Oh! These are feelings.”
Before OM, I didn’t have a lot of access to my feelings. I barely ever cried or had a low moment. I buried my feelings in process addiction, piling up enough hobbies for five lifetimes. It had a productive life. Just not a happy one.
I had been with my wife for 15 years, and while the sex was enjoyable, it sure was quick. Not exactly connected or satisfying. I always felt this little tap on the shoulder, like someone trying to tell me there’s more.
Once I started to OM, my range began to expand. I learned to feel—myself, my partner, my body. Whatever was being created between two people became my focus, more than any formula I found in a self-help book. My highs became higher, my deeps deeper. I cry now. I laugh. I feel far more. My sex is the kind of sex you always knew had to be possible, in some dream somewhere. But it’s right here.
My job is stressful. I run a team that works on technologies that drive 40% of the world’s data. But OM helps me manage that stress really well. One day, my team approached me and asked, “What is happening here? What do you do?” They couldn’t understand how all the other teams around us were losing their minds to stress, losing their team members to conflict, and we were somehow having a good time. Everything felt manageable for us.
OM teaches me to be present in a way I’ve never been before. To focus on what comes up right here, right now, without story or attachment to the past or future. At work, with my team, I find I’m able to help us focus on the next right thing instead of worrying about the future or fretting about the past. My team has picked that up from me.
OM has also refined my attention. I used to think I knew everything. I had a lot of opinions and I was sure they were right. Believe it or not, that doesn’t lead to much happiness.
The noticing step is the part of OM where you take a moment to notice something value-neutral about the strokee’s genitals. When you’ve been OMing with someone for a while, it becomes a fun game to notice new nuances. It translates into noticing more nuance in all the various shades of life.
Stroking helped here too. You have to pay so much attention to understand when sensation has peaked, when to move onto something else. Where to ask questions, how to go deeper. I learned to engage my curiosity.
That, if I had to pick one, is the greatest gift I’ve received from my practice. I’ve learned to be curious again. Before OM, when it was my turn to put the kids to bed, I used to do it as quickly as possible. Then I’d dive back into whatever process addiction I was hiding in that day. I love being with my kids now. I’m so curious about everything they are. I slow down with them. I feel each piece and each moment of that beauty.
When I was younger, purpose felt like it had to be this great big abstract thing. A pot of gold at the end of a rainbow somewhere. It’s not though. Purpose is all around us, in the littlest things. It’s in pretty much anything I do now if I take the time to really focus, feel, enjoy.
Noah is a 39-year-old software development manager in Dallas, Texas.