About 11 or 12 years ago, there was a period when I had no sex, no dating, no kissing, no relationships with men at all. I would watch pornography and masturbate, and that was pretty much the extent of my sex life. I felt horrible after I did it, and I felt a lot of shame around my desire for sex.
I hated my body, I didn’t find myself attractive at all, and I had a lot of shame around my genitals. I didn’t know the language of men and I certainly didn’t trust men in my relationships. When I did have a boyfriend and we had sex, I would always feel unsatisfied and really dirty afterwards. I didn’t know how to make it a pleasurable experience. I felt like I was locked in a war with my body and my sexuality.
I found out about Orgasmic Meditation when a story on Facebook caught my attention. It was about a man expressing his own personal desires in his relationship. At the bottom of the story it said “orgasm” and I didn’t understand why. When I told my mentor about it, she told me about the practice of Orgasmic Meditation. She suggested I look it up.
I did, and I read stories of people who had been impacted by the practice of OM. Reading their stories touched something in me and I started crying. The people’s shares had such freedom around sexuality and desire. There was also something about the idea that there could be a connection that involves a woman’s genitals without being shameful. That felt so freeing to me.
In my first OM, I remember being super excited and thinking I was going to experience this ultimate pleasure, but I didn’t feel a lot of sensation at first. I was in my head a lot. I had a coach who taught me about making adjustments, and that was helpful. I started to feel more. All of a sudden, I found a new connection to my body and I was really surprised. I asked for a lot lighter pressure, a lighter stroke, because there was so much intensity in that climax.
The whole experience felt like a rollercoaster ride, from the beginning and finding a partner to the end and sharing a frame. I felt amazingly refreshed after the OM.
The container was the biggest thing for me. Knowing that there was a structure—a way in which everybody does this practice the same every time—helped me to relax and feel safe, open up, and be willing to grow my connections with people. I knew we were coming from the same place and we all understood that this is a practice. The agreement we both have to honor the container is what allows us to have trust. This has allowed me to see I can trust men as long as we start out with a common agreement and we talk about things up front.
I took the idea of a container into my life, which allowed me to open up in relationships, with my sexuality, with my voice. In one example, I asked a guy I found very attractive to spend some time with me. I knew I just wanted to lie down with him for 10 minutes and ask for some specific things. I set an amount of time that we would spend together. When we got together, I knew I didn’t have to have sex with him. I could listen to my body and see exactly what it wanted. I felt sexual desire arising in my body. Through OM, I had learned to make a request and that the person could say yes or no. So I asked for specifically what I wanted and I didn’t have to ask for any more. I realized I have a voice. I could share with him how I’d like it to go and he could agree or not.
Once the timer went off, I felt complete and full. It was great, and we’re still friends. We have a relationship built on truth, honesty and trust because he agreed to meet me at every request and I could trust that he would follow what I was asking for.
This practice has changed my life. It’s transformed the way I see myself and the way I see men. OM has provided me such a sense of internal safety that I can now receive touch from the opposite sex as nourishing instead of something scary.
See Shareeah tell her story here!
Shareeah lives in Nashville, Tennessee, and recently left her career as a teacher.