Outside the Comfort Zone Together


I was married at the time I first heard about OM and my wife and I both thought it sounded interesting. We learned more about it and felt the timing was perfect because we were looking for ways she could mitigate pain during sex. We were living in San Francisco when we went to see an OM demonstration. 

The first few times you OM you really feel awkward and stupid, wondering if you are doing it right. It gets better the more times you do it, at least that was what we were told. But for me and my wife, it just wasn’t working. It felt super robotic and clunky, and we were frustrated because it did not seem to be going the way we thought it should, but we were still open to trying it again.

OM really was in line with what we were looking for, which was something new and cool and different. We just wished we had found more tools from the start that would have set us up for more success. I would not, however, say the experience was a total failure. We did OM four or five more times.

I consider myself an open person in general. I am a guy and I love being a good husband. I am someone who is driven by sex and that was part of the motivation to try OM for me, and hopefully for my wife to get excited and to maybe have me get something in return. When that didn’t happen, I realized the practice is not actually sexual. 

I liked that my wife and I both got to feel a vulnerability and awkwardness together. It was nice to be not alone in my feelings because she was feeling those things, too, and that was the non-sexual part that was interesting and kind of cool. Even when there were those moments of her making requests for adjustments, like, no – to the left a little more, no, go back down, do this or that, it may have felt at first like the whole thing was not working, but you’re experiencing this stuff together and you end up feeling actually quite intimate and connected afterwards.

If we had learned more of the methodology and philosophy of OM, I think we would not have felt a missing component, and it might have provided a better frame of the experience for us. It was framed based on our experience, instead, which was different. But, if there was some way to bridge that gap to where it all felt really authentic and we knew more what to do, we’d still be doing it today. I eventually would like to try it again.

The silver lining was that we both experienced the same things and it helped us be open to trying other things and exploring parts of ourselves and our relationship, our marriage, and staying curious about life. That is really important, especially when you don’t want to do something, that you push yourself outside of your comfort zone, and something good will come out of it. We want to continue to keep pushing those boundaries. OM was definitely on the edge of that comfort zone for us, and I don’t regret it at all, that’s for sure. I was more than happy to do it.