Playful & Slow, Without a Need to RushBY EDUARDO
To understand what my world was like before OM, I need to tell you that I grew up in Venezuela. I don’t want to get political, but the situation in my home country went from bad to worse over the course of my growing up. Crime was rampant, and my city had one of the highest crime rates in the Western Hemisphere. As a result, my parents were extremely protective. I didn’t have many friends because I was hardly ever allowed to leave the house. Every time I asked for permission to go see someone, my father would say, “Haven’t you read the news? It’s not safe.” I spent a lot of my teenage years, alone in my room.
Years later, as an adult working in the city of London, I was still haunted by that upbringing. I wasn’t scared to walk the streets, but I carried with me a shyness and an awkwardness that was a relic of how I’d been raised. I had a good job, but I had no friends. I couldn’t connect with people. I could go to parties and drink and chat, but that was far as it went. I really wanted to meet women, but had no luck.
I got desperate enough that I got into a thing called “pickup artistry,” or the PUA community. You read these books and watch these videos and hire these coaches, and they teach you how to approach women on the street. It was very popular, and they made it look so simple. It was just like a mathematical equation; they promised if you did things in the right sequence, women would do anything you wanted them to. I was awful at it. I failed horribly. Part of the reason was that I didn’t like anything about it. The coaches kept wanting me to review scripts so that when a woman said A, I’d be able to say B and so forth. I didn’t want something so mechanical and disconnected.
I knew there had to be something else, some other way to meet women.
I found OM by researching on the Internet. It sounded more like what I was looking for; an intimate experience with connection at the root of it. I signed up for a workshop, and was really intrigued, but my first actual OM experience started out as a total disaster. When I tried to position myself in the nest, I fell over. When I tried to get the gloves on, I broke the first pair, and then the second. I started to sweat profusely, and kept apologizing. The woman I was with was chill as could be. “It’s okay,” she said over and over, and I could tell she meant it.
It didn’t get better when we started. I couldn’t find the clitoris, I had no clue where it was. Over 10 minutes later, I finally found the spot and felt the rhythm of the stroke, and then it was done. I was still sweating, still panicked that I was doing everything wrong. It wasn’t until I got up out of the nest that I felt it – heat in my left leg. It wasn’t like a cramp, or as if my leg had gone to sleep. It was the opposite; my leg felt warm, tingling, full of sensation. I thought to myself, This is super weird. Why am I having so much sensation? There must be something happening in here. And that’s the reason that I came back, despite the clumsiness of that first OM experience.
The more I practiced, the more sensation in my body I began to feel. Every time I OM, it's like a shot of electricity that ignites my body. I actually feel more joy and more calmness. It took me a while, but I realized that my sensations were a direct result of my receptivity towards the adjustments women gave me. The more I responded to what I was hearing, the more attuned to these women I felt – and the more alive my body became. It was everything that pickup artistry wasn’t – it wasn’t just this series of rote scripts, it was real-time connection that began with the body and spread everywhere.
I began to feel my body connected to the body of the woman I was stroking. It wasn’t an intellectual thing. I wasn’t worrying about what to say, or what any of them were thinking about me. I was able to get out of my head by focusing on what she was feeling, and the more I focused, the more feeling I had. You know those old romantic songs that talk about two hearts beating as one? It’s not quite two hearts, but it’s two bodies that are feeling the same thing. That shared feeling is what allowed me to understand women and draw closer to them. No book or video could teach me that.
I started being able to date at last. I could respond to what women were telling me when we were out to dinner or becoming more intimate. I don’t want to say I became a mind-reader, because it’s not about minds. It’s about being able to connect to a woman’s desire, and to make that connection without expectations. I can go slow, without a need to rush, and I can be playful. That’s a big one; before I came to OM I was not only shy, I was painfully serious around women. It’s amazing how much that’s changed.
It’s not just my dating life that’s changed. My friendships have changed as well. I am not patient with small talk, and maybe I never will be, but that’s okay. What I have instead are a few really good connections with men and women I trust and like, and I know they trust and like me. This includes people outside of OM. This practice doesn’t just make things better with the people who practice with you; it impacts every relationship you have.
What I’ve come to appreciate most about OM is that there are no expectations. You get settled in the nest, you OM, you feel your sensations, and then you leave. There’s no confusion or awkwardness. It’s just two people doing this practice together. The practice is enough.