The Confidence to Start Dating AgainBY TIM WILLIAMS
After 42 years of marriage, my wife was no longer the person I'd married. At first, we were raising our children, and then we took on the care of our parents. When the elders passed on, and the children were growing beyond their teen years, we didn't have a common focus. My wife's a bit of an intellectual, and I'm a more practical person. She'd say things like, “You're stupid if you think that. And lots of other people agree with me.” Or she'd make a big deal about the tea being too hot or too cold or too strong or too weak.
The kids are now in their thirties, all of them doing fine and working overseas. I'm not sure whether they left the UK to get a better job or just got fed up with all the arguing. My wife and I weren't communicating, and I couldn't cope with the fights. I'd go sailing to get away. I supported the UK Tall Ships Youth Trust, which introduced me to a lot of interesting people.
One day, I was searching online for information about original manufacturers items, or O.M. items. Instead of bringing up spare parts, I came across a video about Orgasmic Meditation. I was quite intrigued. I've always had the idea that a woman's clitoris is more important than it's usually considered to be. Anatomy books in school discussed the vagina in detail, but they didn't have much to say about the clitoris. In my teens, instead of going to an all-boys school, I went to a mixed school, so I had a lot of friends who were girls. They would often tell me things they might not talk about with their boyfriends, which gave me a sense about where their physical pleasure came from. That's why OM struck me as progressive and like something I wanted to learn more about.
My wife was exceedingly negative when I tried to talk to her about OM. She had no interest at all. I sent her links to information about it, and she never even read the material. However, I met a woman sailing who was working on a project to address FGM, female genital mutilation. Despite all the knowledge she had about female sexual activity, she had never heard of OM. I explained a bit about OMing, and how FGM would make successful OMing impossible. I was surprised somebody working in that field would know nothing about OM.
Eventually, I made contact with some people who OMed, and I learned the practice. When I first started, I was nervous and had a hard time getting the gloves on my hands. Now, I always check out the gloves before I start, so I can make sure they're the right size. After OMing for a while, I became less nervous as I became better at stroking, to the point where I felt quite comfortable. When a woman I had OMed with came around and asked for another OM, then I knew I was making progress.
Once I was able to relax, I also felt a strong sense of connection with the strokee. The connection came partly through verbal communication. When the woman asked for an adjustment, she was clear and precise, so I was able to understand what she wanted, and then I could give what she was looking for. Different strokees have different preferences in how they want to be stroked.
But the mechanism of connection goes far beyond making and responding to requests. I used to feel that connecting just meant people doing something together. Now, I find there's a depth and fullness that comes from connecting at the almost microscopic level involved when two people are paying close attention to the movement of a finger across a clitoris. The connection becomes both visceral and psychic.
Now that my wife and I are preparing to sell our house and go our separate ways, I'm contemplating a leap to an online dating site. My experiences with OMing have taught me a lot about women and how to relate to them, which has given me the confidence to start dating again. OM has opened up a whole new world for me.