Valuing Connection Over Getting It Right

BY MARSHALL

Before Orgasmic Meditation, my relationships with women seemed to have happened out of luck or out of left field. After many wrong moves, I’d ask someone out and do something that happened to be the right thing, and I’d end up in a relationship. I was never really sure why some women stayed longer than others. I’d keep rolling the dice, but mostly it felt like my luck had dried up. 

After the passion and fun fizzled out in my first long-term relationship, I never really processed my feelings. I never grieved. I just disconnected around women. I was afraid of getting hurt. For the next six years, I searched for another relationship. But most of my dates felt like job interviews—dry, shallow, and boring. Most didn’t get past a first or second date. 

When I found Orgasmic Meditation, I went to an introductory event. I noticed that everyone seemed magnetic, smiley, and happy. It felt so good that I signed up to learn the OM practice. It seemed like just the thing to help me get back to having connection and intimacy and fulfillment. 

During my first OM, I started releasing a lot of feelings and emotions I’d held inside for years. The more I practiced, the more these pent-up feelings released and the more I could track the sensations in my body. It was such a centering experience that I decided to OM as much as I could. I kept wanting to feel more in my body and experience more depth to my emotions. 

So, I maintained a daily practice from December 2016 to December 2017, and I started noticing I could be more present both during and after my OMs. I’d stay focused on my body and the stroke I was using, as opposed to the conversation in my head about needing to pick up groceries or something that had happened with a friend. Since then, I’ve learned that when those voices come up, I can tell my mind, ‘That’s not what we’re doing now,’ and get back to the OM pretty quickly. In general, I feel more alive and energetic, more centered and calmer. It’s easier to be present in the moment and respond to whatever is needed. 

I handle my emotions way better now than before I started OMing. A year ago, if something would happen that was upsetting, confronting, or saddening, I’d go into a habitual, reactive mode in an instant. Now, if that same thing occurs, I can stop and realize it probably has little to do with me. I respond more to what’s actually going on, without the knee-jerk reaction. The OM practice helped with this by deepening my capacity to hold more sensations and emotions. It’s like I’ve gone from being able to handle a cup of emotions to a gallon of emotions. I have room for someone to say what’s upsetting them without taking it personally.

One thing that helped was the process of asking for OMs. After being told “no” a number of times, I eventually realized that “no” only meant “no for now.” I’d see them the next day and the same person would ask me to OM. Clearly, it was not about me. Before, I would have thought, ‘Oh crap, I must have messed something up.’

I’ve also learned how to follow the energy between my OM partner and myself while stroking—to tap into the cosmic energy and feel which direction it’s going. That ability has helped me feel other people in my life and track what’s happening with them outside of an OM. Feeling the energy, feeling stroke changes and peaks, has focused my attention and helped me feel into interactions with others. I feel more able to discern what’s really happening under the surface now. 

That, in combination with sharing frames—being able to put words to those sensations—has taught me to check in with myself to see what I’m feeling. Then, I can distinguish which emotions are mine and which are someone else’s. I can also sense subtler sensations during my OMs now, which allows me to be more present to life as it’s occurring. So, if I feel something from another person, I am more aware of how I want to respond. I am clearer about what’s needed or wanted in a particular situation. 

I’ve also learned to slow down. I used to always be on the go, as a way to avoid confronting emotions and sensations. I would constantly focus on the next thing to do, or dwell on how angry I was about something in the past. Now, if I notice I am tight or judgmental, I slow down and ask myself questions like, ‘What’s really going on?’ When I notice an emotion is diverting my attention, instead of distracting myself from feeling it, I slow down and ask, ‘Is there something I need? Something I want to do?’

Adjustments have helped guide me through that learning process by highlighting all of the spots where I move too fast. When I receive an adjustment, I often feel more sensation and a heightened sense of connection. Taking adjustments has also helped me realize that it’s okay to not get a stroke right the first time. I can always change it. OM is an exploration of connection more than it is something to ‘get right.’ 

That has given me a lot more acceptance and approval for where I am in my life. It’s a whole lot easier for me to relax and be confident about being myself now, thanks to OM. I no longer try to contort myself into some else’s expectations. I’m no longer petrified of doing the wrong thing. I listen to my desires to make choices. 

Yesterday, I had my first date in three years. It was beautifully simple. I could feel a warm electric connection the entire time. As the sensation was building, she began talking faster. I turned and looked in her eyes as if to say, ‘It’s okay to slow down and feel.’ She stopped talking, gazed back and then gave me a hug.

That date would never have happened before I started OMing. I just would not have been that tuned-in and connected. I certainly could not have wordlessly communicated, ‘Just stop and feel.’ And yes, there will be a second date.