In Touch With My Heart

BY JASMINE FENN

The first time I heard about Orgasmic Meditation, I had just gotten out of a relationship and was in a really hard place. I’d given him 100% of my trust early on, only to be completely taken advantage of. He lied to me about who he was, and he stole from me. 

I had completely ignored my gut instinct, so I knew I was responsible for the situation. I’d felt that something was off early on in the relationship, but I didn’t want to be the kind of person that ruffled feathers or made things uncomfortable. I didn’t want to seem like I was prying into his business. Like I was asking too many questions. So, even though my body felt that things were off, I pushed those feelings down. I didn’t want to treat myself that way anymore.  So, when my friend told me about Orgasmic Meditation, and how it could reconnect me with my feelings and my intuition, I decided to try it. 

I took an intro course and found an OM partner less than two weeks later. He actually sought me out, which made my life easier, and we OMed several times over the following months. I hadn’t been that vulnerable with a man in months. Not since that painful relationship. Even just getting into the nest for my first OM felt like a breakthrough. 

At first, I didn’t really feel a lot of sensation; but after a few minutes, things started flowing. I felt a warm sensation rushing throughout my upper body, and I remember my nose buzzing, a strong vibration. I was blown away by the sensation.  

When we shared frames, the stroker said that he had felt everything in his upper body, too. Then he made a comment: “You have a blockage, and I think it’s in your heart.” I started crying when he said that. For someone to understand that, without me having shared what I’d been through, was extraordinary. That’s what’s so great about OM. I can energetically and emotionally connect with someone without having to go through my whole story. They can feel what I’m experiencing. 

When he asked to OM again, I was curious to see what it would be like. So, I said yes, and I was amazed by how different it was from our previous OM. I felt my whole body tremor. Instead of all the energy buzzing in my upper body, it traveled all the way down to my toes, and then rippled up into the blockage in my heart. And I felt the blockage release. 

OM got me in touch with my heart. It got me in touch with my feelings. In the past, I would always question myself or downplay my feelings, especially when it came to certain things that I knew were off. But when I OM, if something doesn’t feel good, I can ask for an adjustment. It all comes down to me actually saying something. 

OM taught me the obvious: an adjustment can only be made if I ask for it. I remember the first time I tried asking. It took me several minutes to get the words out. I was so caught in my head, trying to reason it out. I have always been very logical, very rational. I thought, I could maybe let it go. Or maybe the stroker would get there on his own? 

Finally, I realized that I had to just ask for it. It was now or never. So, I asked for more upstrokes, and then I asked for a firmer stroke. And he received my adjustments. He changed the stroke. And boom! Things were a million times more electric than they were the moment before. 

I realized, in that moment, that I know what I want. I just have to say it. The stroker was not there to judge me, and I was not there to make him wrong. My request didn’t mean anything other than, ‘I’d like a firmer stroke.’ I mean, the guy was there to stroke! And we only had 15 minutes. How long was I going to wait until I helped the both of us out and adjusted him onto my spot?  

That’s when it really clicked. It was in that first adjustment that I really got it. This is what they’re talking about. This is what it’s like when you ask for your desire. This is how much reward is waiting on the other side. That breakthrough cut right through my deprivation, around my feeling like I couldn’t ask for what I wanted. 

I know I can trust my intuition now. I can trust that voice in my head, even when it conflicts with my plans or my need to look good. I know what feels right, and I trust that. Best of all, I can let myself be seen by the world again. I can let people see me. I’m paving a new path for myself after a long time hiding under blankets, and I continue to break the boundaries of who I thought I could be. I’m much more open to playing with my life. 

For instance, I started singing again after a 20-year hiatus. I recently sang before an audience, and it felt like letting my true beauty come out again. It had nothing to do with what I looked like and everything to do with how much of myself I could express. I didn’t worry about ruffling feathers or holding back like I did in my last relationship. I didn’t worry about suppressing any part of myself or my feelings. I just let the audience really see me. Really feel me. And it felt good.