No Longer Devastated by RejectionBY MICHAEL
I had a lot of body image issues growing up. I was chronically depressed and terrified of intimacy. Therapy helped a lot, but my relationships were still superficial. I would allow my partner to set the tone and just follow her lead. I was always in reaction to her.
I was looking for a meditation practice online, when I saw the words, “Orgasmic Meditation.” It seemed right up my alley, like something I would try. I went to some events about it, and it felt like a good fit. Despite that, the first time I OMed, I was shaking and sweating. I was terrified to pick a partner. I raised my hand at an introductory OM class and told everyone how nervous I was, and I got a lot of support from doing that. Much to my surprise, someone asked me to OM right then and there.
Once the first OM was over, I didn't fear asking as much. I felt like I had faced a fear, like I’d had this uncomfortable experience and gotten through it. I felt like I had accomplished something. I started practicing regularly, and it wasn’t long before it became clear that OM was helping me with my body image issues. I learned, experientially, that I was good enough. That I could connect with a woman and have an enjoyable OM with her.
I also got a lot from connecting with other men who OM. I learned they had many of the same issues as me, many of the same insecurities. Although they seemed really confident and successful with women, they would admit to me that they were just as scared as I was. We all had the same fears. It helped a lot to know that.
My favorite part of OM is the stroking. That’s where I feel most synced up with my partner. There’s this electricity I feel while stroking in an OM that’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. Something about the depth of that connection has validated to me that I am a worthwhile being. That I am able to connect with a beautiful woman. That I’m just as good as any man.
This sense of connection has extended into the rest of my life. I feel people a lot more than I used to. It’s as if I can see them better. I can see what’s on their mind, what they are afraid to say or want to say, and I can bring this information to my interactions with them.
Asking for OMs made me realize that a “no” right now doesn’t mean a “no” forever. People change. Maybe the circumstances were wrong today, but in a few weeks, or even in a few months, things could shift. I am no longer devastated by rejection; I’ve learned that her “no” probably has nothing to do with me whatsoever.
Before OM, when I would meet a woman and want to sleep with her, anything short of that goal would feel like a disappointment. For example, I had been flirting with a woman I met somewhere, and it seemed like there might have been something between us, so I asked her out. She accepted, but then sent me a message on Facebook saying, “I want to be clear we’re just hanging out as friends.” I felt frustrated, but I didn’t let her know how I felt.
Now, I’m not nearly as discouraged if a woman I like turns me down. I asked a woman to come to Alcatraz with me recently, because she was interested, and I wanted to give her a tour. Before we went, she specifically wanted to know if my intentions were romantic or friendly. I told her I honestly didn’t know and that we should just go and see what happens—if there’s a connection there, there’s a connection there. It felt very honest to be able to respond in this way.
OM has helped a lot in my current relationship. I can tell when my partner’s words don’t match what her heart or her eyes are telling me. One day, when she seemed withdrawn, I looked at her and asked, “What are you afraid of?” She looked at me with astonished relief and recognized she had this fear she hadn’t even been aware of. I saw how quick the stroke needed to be and determined whether I needed to give her a little space or go in and ask more direct questions. With the quality attention I developed through OM, I helped her bring that fear into her awareness in a way that felt safe for her.
Because of the confidence I’ve developed through OM, I can take the lead and take initiative. I can be strong. And people react differently to me now. My relationships feel a lot healthier and more natural. I feel like I have a lot more power over my own life, like I’m not a pawn. I’m more powerful than I ever thought I was. It feels good.