The Emergence of My Vitality

BY ANOEK

I was taking Tantra classes when I heard about Orgasmic Meditation through people I met in those programs. I was also online dating. One afternoon, I had a coffee date with a man who practiced OM. As he explained it to me, I felt anxious. He invited me to his house to OM and I said yes. That was the beginning of my OM practice. 

I was afraid and nervous, yet curious during my first OM. I was very uneasy about undressing, lying down and opening my legs. That was huge. Even lying there in an OM position was scary for me, never mind anything that happened after that. It felt different from what I was used to in Tantra. I had been numbed out, stone cold and my body constricted. The Tantra work I was doing had opened me enough to want to OM. Without the Tantra work, I probably would never have tried it.  

Fortunately, I was OMing with a man who was very understanding and tolerant of all this. He just kept inviting me to OM, and something in my consciousness said I needed to do it. I OMed with him multiple times a week. That was when the grief came up. In those OMs, I cried a lot and sometimes couldn’t wait for the fifteen minutes to be over. The container, knowing how long the OM would last, made me feel safe. 

When I was growing up, pursuing pleasure was not okay. We lived in deprivation on all levels. My family worked on surviving, not finding pleasure. I come from hell. I come from war. I come from deprivation and from hunger and I’ve come a long way to be where I am today. Having come from that, I’ve been on a path of growth and a search for truth, for authenticity and for love, ever since. 

After some months of OMing, and purging the fears, grief, tears, and memories, the practice started to become pleasurable. I began to experience orgasmic feelings. That’s when I was sure about the practice, when the pleasure began. 

Because I had been doing Tantra, I was already learning about caring for myself and learning to inhabit my body. It was like I had stepped out of a refrigerator and my body needed to thaw. OMing helped me progress on this path to inhabiting my body, liking my body, and enjoying my body. 

For me, asking for adjustments was not the hardest part of the OM practice. Knowing what adjustments I might want was the hardest part. Requesting adjustments to get the stroker’s finger there became a more and more profound process as I became more orgasmic. 

As I continued OMing, I felt vital and bright to the point where now I can say I feel that way ninety- percent of the time. Emotionally, having the capacity to feel that way was an eye-opener. I didn’t grow up knowing vitality, so I wasn’t looking for something like that. It took time to allow this feeling to emerge; and not only allow it, but then to pursue it with zest and say, ‘This is what I want!’ When I found pleasure in my body I found pleasure everywhere else in my life. Waking up my pelvic area and my sexuality and sensuality has had a huge impact on my creativity, on how I stand in the world, on how I relate to other people.