Before starting Orgasmic Meditation, I had no access to my intuition. My body didn’t talk to me unless it was a super emergency. I had no gut sense. I made even quick decisions based on logic. I’d be in my head trying to figure out what someone else thought about me or how to fit in and be sociable. I’m talking about issues that only affected me, like what I would wear or eat. I’d run through a mental assessment based on what others might think of me.
I’d do things to make other people happy without regard to what I wanted or how I could make myself happy. I could be happy making others happy, but there was a part of me that was missing out: ‘What do I want?’ Or, ‘What do I feel?’
I often felt overwhelmed, like there were multiple conversations constantly going on in my head: ‘What will that person think about what I’m doing?’ ‘How will this fit in my schedule?’ At my job, I felt like there was too much stuff to do and not enough of me to go around, and I’d never concern myself with the toll it was taking on my body. I was too busy to think clearly.
About four years ago, a friend read the book Slow Sex and thought slowing down would help me with my overwhelmed state. Our initial attempts at OM were hit or miss. They lacked the containment of real OMs, like, ‘Do this specific set of steps for 15 minutes.’ I needed that so that I could put my attention on my feelings and on connecting without being concerned about reciprocity or whether we were doing it right. So we took a class to learn properly.
In the nest, I don’t need to think about anything, except being present for whatever feelings arise in my body and clearing my mind to focus on the point of contact. For those 15 minutes, I feel calm and clear. If I want a different sensation or more connection, all I have to do is say: left, right, slow down, less pressure, etc.
After numerous OMs, I noticed each one felt different. I just had to feel what was happening. That didn’t necessarily mean feel everything for the entire 15 minutes. Just notice one specific moment, in a frame. Frames were really healing for me to be able to integrate what I was experiencing. ‘Ohhh, I was really able to feel that one sensation when I slowed down enough to connect.’ For someone who’s very goal oriented, distinguishing which moment stood out the most for me kept the experience from being one big swirl.
I noticed sensations all over my body each time I OMed, a variety of sensations I had never had before. The longer I OM, the more nuanced sensations I’m able to feel. Amazingly, those sensations are generally non-genital. OM is a genital stroking practice, but I feel it all over my body. I do have genital sensations, but the most prominent ones are not in my genitals.
Outside of OM, I also feel more. I can feel other people. I have made major decisions in my life based on my intuition. I feel in my body and use that as my primary deciding factor, with logic secondary. Before, it was all logic and no feeling.
I take better care of myself—I get more sleep, I include take-care-of-me time, like baths. Let’s say I have five things to do: I will decide which one to focus my attention on, and be really present to that one thing. I use the 15-minute container with things I don’t really want to do, like clearing my desk or paying my bills—things I might have just rushed through previously. Now, I’ll take notice of the sensations going through my body as I do those things.
Asking for adjustments in OMs has translated to asking for what I want in sex, as well as other places, like, ‘How do I want my tea?’ and other little desires in my life, really feeling into my body to make decisions. ‘Oh I feel tired, I should go home,’ versus spending another hour at work and becoming overly tired, when there wasn’t even an immediate deadline.
Before, I was numb, always in my head, moving fast, fast, fast, getting very stressed. I never had a sense of being in the present moment. I would be completely exhausted every day. I found with OM I have a lot more energy. When you are thinking more clearly and have more focused thoughts, you use energy more efficiently. Thinking three things at once was draining a lot of energy. Focusing my attention in an OM helped me do the same outside of OM.
Before OM, I don’t think I spent 15 minutes putting my attention on sensations in a sexual experience. I didn’t get quality attention, and I couldn’t appreciate the attention I was getting. I was coming into the sexual experience like an empty gas tank that needed to be filled. Now that I OM, the consistent energy I get through connection gives me a more stable baseline, and my sexual desire comes out as it wants.
My husband and I met at a OneTaste event. Feeling each other’s energy from OMing led us to get married. We felt into our desire. Before, I would have been in a relationship because the guy was interested in me, but I didn’t consider whether he was a match for my desires. Asking for what I want, even with little things, makes me happier in the relationship. I would never have felt my husband like that before OMing.
Now, I’m always listening to my feelings. What I’ve learned in OM is: feeling; asking for what I want; the certainty of the container; applying attention and focus to work, friendships, and my relationship with my husband. It’s changed my whole life from being frenetic and heady to feeling and focused, to having ample energy for connection based on my desires. I’m slowing down enough to appreciate what’s there in the present moment versus always living in some future goal. I can feel more and think more clearly. My tagline would be, ‘OM gave me peace of mind and feeling in my body.’ I can breathe and feel peace.
See Ann tell her story here!
Ann Justi is a 55-year-old professional living near New York City with her husband, who also OMs.