Being Present in My Connections

BY DAN

When I came to Orgasmic Meditation, I had been practicing Tantra for two decades, so I was no stranger to sacred sexuality practices. I’m always looking for new ways to grow and relate to others, so I knew there would be a treasure trove of teachings to discover. OM opened the door to another approach to intimacy while confirming many of the things that I already valued: cultivating presence in my relationships, creating safe spaces for connection, and exploring the beautiful energy of the feminine.

My journey to these practices was circuitous at first. Growing up, I attended Catholic schools from elementary through high school and even college. Those were all-boys schools, so that was an interesting time as it related to the females in my life. But pretty early on, I realized that the Catholic faith was not for me. I knew that my personal path was elsewhere.

I was married years ago, and as I went through counseling and the divorce process, I wanted to learn more about my part of that relationship—what worked and what didn't work. I wanted to grow from that, and I wanted to learn more about intimacy. I found a flyer in a bookstore about a weeklong Tantra workshop. I signed up, not knowing anything. And it was just what I needed. I was hooked. 

In that workshop and over the next two decades, I learned how to be more vulnerable, open, and sensitive. I learned how to connect with the feminine, how to share myself intimately, without fear, and how to be supportive of the people I was connecting with. It was life changing. 

I don't remember how I found out about OM, but somehow, I did. And I thought, well, orgasm is amazing and meditation is amazing. Put the two together, and it's got to be great. 

My first experience was a talk about OM at a very small gathering, maybe five people including the teacher. The first thing I noticed was that everyone was energetically “vibing” with each other. It seemed like we were all on the same vibration, so I thought, Okay. Let me take the next step. I sought out other opportunities to learn the practice, and one of those included an OM demonstration in front of a large group of people. 

Again, the vibe among the people was great, and I was so appreciative to see the demo. I was amazed by the energy in the room, which was beautiful. At the same time, I listened closely to the process, because OM has a very prescribed container including certain steps and a very specific way of stroking. 

When you look at OM and Tantra side by side, you see that ultimately, they are two different paths to the same thing. In both practices you’re working with physical intimacy, and that can lead to ecstasy, or healing, or opening many different doors. It has to be safe for both people, and how you create the container in OM is different from Tantra. For me, the very prescribed nature of OM, including all the steps and processes, is what creates that safety. 

When I had the opportunity to OM with a partner for the first time, I was a little overwhelmed at first. I thought, how am I going to remember all the steps and details? The noticing step felt natural to me because I’m used to being present and noticing things. Wearing gloves was also familiar from Tantra, and I knew that would help to create a safe container. Once the hands-on practice started, and I began stroking, I felt comfortable and relaxed. There was a buzzing energy and a heat that I felt rising in my body. 

I particularly enjoyed the communicative aspect of OMing. Getting feedback from my partner about adjustments helped me feel aligned with her and confirmed that we were on the right track. Sharing our experience in the frames part of the practice was very valuable, too.   

I feel that the first step in doing any of these types of practices is really knowing yourself—being aligned and comfortable with yourself. You need to be able to share and accept yourself before you can do the same thing with other people. I may have had a head start with the Tantra work that I had done, but you can learn these things from OM just as effectively, and it’s very powerful.

When I think of how OM may have rippled out to impact my everyday life, I see that it validated and deepened so many of the things that I had already been interested in exploring and developing. That includes being present in my connections not just with intimate partners, but with everyone I meet. At the same time, the idea of the OM nest expanded and confirmed my sense of what it means to create a safe space—and how valuable that space can be for communication and growth. 

Perhaps most of all, OM gave me a continued sense of amazement for the beautiful energy of the feminine. The container, the nest, and all the prescribed rules and steps only give that amazement free reign to shine brighter.