Closing the Deal

BY YOSSI

Sealing the deal has never been my strong suit. I don’t mean in business. In business, I’m pretty good at it, thank goodness. But with women, I’ve never exactly been a closer. A self-saboteur might be a better way to describe me. Someone who is excellent at shooting himself in the foot. I’m an excellent marksman when I’m shooting at my own feet. 

Opening the deal? That I can do. I’ve never had a problem getting women’s numbers or getting them out on a date. Getting first dates, I’m a real pro. It’s always been those pesky second and third dates that tripped me up. I would act like a weirdo once we actually got out to the restaurant or whatever. Flirt with the waitress or some other stupid, self-undermining thing. And just like that, our first date would be our last.

So, it should’ve come as no surprise to me that the hardest steps in OM were the intermediate ones. I have no problem with the asking stage. I’ll ask you to OM right now, no problem. You want to OM with me? Let’s do it! And once I start stroking, I’m in there. I’m just stroking, everything else melts away.

But between those two like things is where I sort of freak out. I don’t even know how to explain it, other than to say my heart starts to pound like a bongo drum in Havana as soon as we start to get into the nest, and it keeps beating like that until I finish the lube stroke and begin stroking. I mean, the noticing step? Early on in my practice, I would feel like I was going to pass out. It felt like looking at some bright, sun-like god I’d worshipped from afar right between the eyes.

All that’s begun to change. I have some friends who claim they don’t like the noticing step, but to me it’s now very powerful. Slowly, through continued exposure, I’ve been able to gently lift women from the pedestal I was keeping them on and lower them down to a level at which I can interact with them directly and consciously. Noticing made me objectively less nervous about being intimate with women.

I don’t know if it’s simply the practice of “closing the deal” each time I OM, or if it’s the meditating aspect of it, but something has made me more aware of my emotions. I don’t panic between the bar and bedroom as much anymore, if you know what I mean. Closing the deal doesn’t elicit fear like it used to, and if it does, I can step back within myself and recognize that fear as a sensation. Nothing more. Not an insurmountable compulsion that has to control my life. 

It’s funny that the terms “open” and “close” the deal were the first ones that came to mind when I thought about how OM helped my relationships, because it’s helped me in business too. As an experiment, I decided to look back at my records for the past year to see if there was any correlation between the time-periods I practiced OM most heavily and my productivity at work. I was shocked to see that there was unequivocally, no bullshit, a link. Thinking back, I don’t know why I was so surprised. It felt like there was a link at the time. I had more confidence when I OMed regularly. There was less self-sabotage, like I actually wanted to succeed instead of fail. When I would get to the third part of the deal, I was like, I’m going to stroke this freaking deal out!

I grew up an Orthodox Jew, and we weren’t able to have sexual relationships with women until marriage. I don’t know how much of a part that’s played in the intermediary self-sabotage that’s plagued my life, but I do know that OM has freed the animalistic part of me. It’s made me feel more like a sexual being. My most recent relationship involved the greatest sex I’ve ever had in my life. I was more confident and less neurotic. I felt freer than I ever have before. 

That relationship is over, but the liberated feeling has remained. The door to the bedroom doesn’t feel like a brick wall to me anymore. It’s just a door, with a handle I can turn and everything. Walls all throughout me have come down, since I started to OM. Spiritually, sexually, relationally--I feel free.