I had three marriages, all of which I tried really hard to get right, all of which ended in divorce. At the end of each one, I got sick because I was depleted and exhausted. I felt like I had nothing left to give. Then, the relationship would break up. I had no faith that I could be in a relationship without crashing my whole system.
I used to burn out a lot. I had adrenal fatigue three times in my life. My energy was low. I was post menopausal and looking at the rest of my life asking, 'What’s it going to be?'
The pattern had been: I would get in a relationship, spend a lot of energy making my partner happy, and end up over-giving. I felt like I was the one doing the heavy lifting to make the relationship work.
But I didn’t really know what I wanted. When I did, I didn’t know how to ask for it. I would guilt them into giving me what I wanted. When I didn’t get it, I felt unloved, unvalued, unappreciated. Then, I would ask why I was doing all that work when I felt so unloved?
In a relationship course after my third marriage, someone talked about Orgasmic Meditation. It rang like a gong in my mind. After some consideration, I decided to learn the practice. I was single, living in Argentina at the time. When I returned to the U.S., I got off the plane and went straight to an event to find out more about OM.
Next, I went to L.A. to actually learn how to OM. I kept wanting to know more. I came into Orgasmic Meditation thinking, 'My life is half over and I’m not living the rest of it just having had the experiences I’ve had so far. I want more and I want to feel all the pleasure that’s possible in my sexuality.'
When I first started to OM, I was expecting fireworks, but felt nothing. I was shocked that I had become almost completely numb. No wonder I struggled with sexual fulfillment.
After the OM, however, my body felt calm, comfortable, and with a sense of wellbeing. I felt more alert and at ease and connected to everyone around me, instead of shy and anxious. Suddenly, people didn’t look like strangers anymore.
Within a few weeks, the numbness in my clitoris started to thaw and a tiny, yet potent and pleasurable pinprick of sensation began to light up. From there, my practice has not only exponentially expanded my sense of safety and enjoyment of sex again, but also my life and relationships have become more satisfying and alive than ever before.
During an OM, I keep bringing my attention to the most potent spot on my clit to feel where the electricity and sensation is.
A lot of the mind-chatter that plagued me for decades has quieted. It truly is a meditation. Even in my sitting meditations, I can sense the chatter quieting down.
Moreover, I’ve experienced an enormous amount of emotional healing because of the way OM calms my nervous system. I used to become extremely shaky, rattled, and fearful when an angry person came in my space—especially if they raised their voice or shouted. Now, when that happens, I can stay present, listen, and respond in a way that feels honest and brings us both into connection—instead of scurrying around terrified or freezing up.
Situations that used to make me spin, worry, or freak out don’t do that anymore. Learning to identify sensations on a much finer level through OM has helped me recognize what specific sensation is running through my body with much more clarity, and I can now stay present in higher sensation situations.
I used to bust out in a bunch of emotions and then beg forgiveness, promising to fix whatever made someone else angry. I would take their anger personally and, out of desperation, make commitments I could not keep.
Now, I tune into my body, feel the fluttery fiery sensations running through me, and am able to recognize that everything’s okay. It happens automatically now. I can put my attention on what the person is saying and stay centered within myself.
Recently, the emotional healing from OM has even helped renew my relationship with my father, which had been tumultuous and deeply troubled for years. OM helped me get to a place where I could stand my ground, be myself, tell him the truth, and still find the point of connection and love between us.
In fact, all of my family relationships have gotten richer, deeper and more fulfilling since I started OMing. When I stay grounded and present in difficult spots, my love for them grows. I’ve seen my whole family benefiting from the practice, even though I am the only one among us who OMs.
See Denise tell her story here!
Denise is a life coach in her 50s living in Los Angeles.