Melting Rigidity into Presence and PlayBY NORA
Before I became involved with erotic practices, I felt rigid and robotic. As a wellness practitioner, I touch people all day for massages, facials, or other treatments. Despite this intimate setting, I lived in constant fear of overstepping my bounds and making my clients uncomfortable. Since discovering Orgasmic Meditation and other erotic practices, my rigidity has melted away, and now I feel a new sense of joy, playfulness and exploration in my everyday life. I connect much more deeply with my clients, and they have noticed the difference. I now live a desire-based life instead of a fear-based life – a change that has been wonderfully empowering for me.
I grew up the youngest of four children, constantly conditioned to keep quiet and not to ask for what I want. My mother was overworked, so every request was more work, another distraction. In school too, like most girls, I was expected to be quiet and unassuming.
Then I began a career in a corporate setting, at a 5-star spa with highly structured ways of speaking and behaving. For example, we are told never to initiate conversation with clients – only speak if they speak first. My job often finds me in a room, intimately touching a client who is essentially naked. It is such an intimate setting, with so much potential for risk or misunderstanding, that I was constantly on edge. I never really connected with my clients because I always tried to play it safe, avoiding any possibility of making them uncomfortable by being very rigid and formal. When a client’s boundaries of comfort get crossed, it’s impossible to retract. So I basically had to create a separate persona to work within these strict professional boundaries and the constant threat of liability. A rigid, robotic version of myself, driven by fear.
Yet I knew my clients often wanted to connect with me. For 20 years I have been asked “where are you from?” four or five times a day by different clients. Clients understandably trying to forge some simple connection with the only other human in the room, who is touching them lovingly and intimately. The intimacy of the setting encourages connection, but professional standards forbid it. My clients must have felt this disjunct. I know I felt it.
I was introduced to OM by co-workers. One day at lunch they were all talking about it, and it piqued my interest – especially since they all seemed to know about this practice I had never heard of. It didn’t take me long to become involved – I’ve always been hungry for information, and I was especially interested in consciousness practices that would bring me closer to myself.
From my very first OM, I knew I wanted more. I felt all these yummy sensations I had never felt before. I felt as if something was moving into my body and penetrating my being deeper and deeper. Little by little I felt layers being lifted and pulled away from me, giving me this sense of opening, melting my rigidity, and filling me with something warmer, something more alive.
The next day at work I felt amazing, and I was glowing. To the extent my co-workers noticed and commented.
All of the practices I pursued – meditation, OM, cultivating self-awareness – brought me closer to myself, melting my rigidity and making me feel softer and more nourished inside. I began to rely on my intuition and my felt sense more and more. I had always been intuitive and connected with my body, but it was always my mind that was calling the shots. Once I started letting my intuition guide me, I finally started connecting with my clients. I no longer needed the formalized boundaries of professionalism because I knew what was safe and what was appropriate for each client. My internalized boundaries were far more effective and accurate than the corporate-prescribed ones.
Now I could be less vigilant, but more perceptive, connected and resourceful. I could understand my clients’ bodies with openness and curiosity. I could meet their needs more directly, allowing them to feel seen and heard. I gave a facial to one client recovering from severe skull fractures, who was so traumatized and on edge, but so in need of a trusted, nurturing touch. I used a “safe porting” technique, narrating everything I did before I did it, because I could feel her tensing up as she anticipated pain. For other clients, I felt emboldened to speak first when I sensed their desire for connection. If I noticed a client holding their breath, I would simply point it out, just letting them know I saw them, letting them talk if they wanted. My whole professional approach now felt smoother and less constricted. It was a level of bonding so far beyond “where are you from?”
And my clients noticed as well. One day my supervisor pulled me aside and told me that instead of saying “that treatment was amazing,” or “that facial was amazing,” clients were saying “Nora is amazing.” She wanted to know what I was doing differently, and how other practitioners could learn to do the same.
OM and other practices also gave me a greater sense of safety in my personal life. I became more open and accepting of myself, even with negative feelings I had avoided before. Anger, jealousy, fear – I could just let myself feel them. My felt sense, my intuition, was now leading me, so I felt safe and confident in my own judgments, my own ability to say what I wanted and what I didn’t want. I could meet myself in every moment as I was, without judgment. I felt safer and more relaxed, more willing to take risks and to rely on my own intuition instead of external rules.
I had moved from living a fear-based life, toward a more desire-based life. This allowed me to understand and embrace the desires underlying negative reactions like fear or jealousy, and to act on them if I wanted. Identifying these desires makes everything flow smoother and lends me a deep discernment that is far more effective at guiding my behavior and actions.
I’m still getting used to being led by my intuitions and desires. I still don’t fully accept the part of me that nags and demands. Just for practice, I arranged to call my friend every day and harangue him with my selfish, inconsiderate demands for three minutes straight. Every time, right after I hang up, I have this urge to make it up to him, to fix things and undo whatever damage I did, even though it’s a game we agreed upon and set up and he doesn’t mind at all. But I stop myself. Because that reaction isn’t about him – it’s just the girl who was taught to be quiet and unassuming disapproving of this new behavior.
So this is the journey I’m on, and I’m learning more about myself every day. OM and other erotic practices have melted away my rigidity and given me a powerful sense of safety and connection. I am more joyful and more playful than I ever have been; I take more risks, and I am far, far better at my job.