The Safety of Knowing That Women Have Desire

BY STEVEN

I meet a woman at a bar. She introduces me to an OM practitioner and eventual teacher of OM. Six years pass. The teacher of OM posts on social media from all over the world about OM. Almost three years into that six years, I lose my job and my girlfriend. The OM teacher invites me to a lecture by another teacher. I am a yes. 

I talk to her afterward and she is power, confidence, and attention incarnate. Our chat is amazing. I tell her my story. She tells me to try OM. And again, I am a yes. 

That's how it started.

I said yes to the talk because no one ever invited me to such events. I'd get invited to house parties to get drunk, not to lectures on orgasm. 

I was interested in sexuality. I said yes to OM class because at that event I felt confident, defenses down, in full connection — I asked the teacher if she was high. She says, "No, it's just orgasm." I say (to myself), "I'll have what she's having." 

My first OM was like being on a ship, in a storm. It was just overwhelming. All activity, really intense, and it's kind of a blur. I don't know how I felt after. I do know I wanted to OM more. 

I was an anti-social and very terrified kid. I played sports but remember being isolated on the playground. I lacked play with the other kids. This trend continued into college, where video games and books were my jam. I just loved girls so much, was so desperate for any action, but unable to summon the power to manifest it. I studied abroad, in Spain — where I started drinking. It was amazing. I was so grateful to have discovered alcohol there because I started dancing, going out and found my first girlfriend. I returned, graduated and started work.

Drinking became more of a need, then my hangovers became worse. I showed up to work hungover, wouldn't be myself till noon. The ex from right before I OMed said, "It seems like you can only have fun when you drink." I defended and denied, but she was right. That relationship was the first where I felt like my girlfriend didn't like me very much.

My pattern for errant girlfriends was to get more annoyed, make a case for why I should break up, let things get worse, then leave. I found it impossible to speak up sooner, to admit being irritated or jealous.

I needed alcohol to have fun and I was jealous much of the time. That's how things were before OM. 

Then I started OMing. I would feel this heat in my body, all the mental chatter of am I good enough would disappear. It was as if a field of anxiety extended outside my body, and OM was how I made it dissipate. When I would OM, it felt like I developed some kind of armor.

Once I was OMing I didn't even think I needed to drink. Before I would need to hit a bar for two shots before hitting the bar where my friends were. I had to be first to the second bar so I could start with a tumbler of tequila. With OM, that need vanished. I can be in the social space and talk to people without anxiety. It has been almost three years of OM, and in that almost three years, I've had maybe five nights where alcohol was in play. 

The specific part of the practice that created this armor was knowing women had a desire for OM, a desire to be touched intimately. There is the safety of knowing that they desire and if we both say yes, we know exactly what will happen. Because there's a container. To feel a strokee open up during OM was something I had never felt before in my life. 

That opening up creates a bubble where I feel totally connected, with no walls separating one from the other. I'd never felt that connection. I talk about not really playing with the kids, feeling isolated, or that my girlfriends don't really like me. Suddenly, a fifteen-minute practice with someone can make all that other stuff vanish. And that clarity would extend past the OM. Afterward, I still feel calm, secure and safe in my body. 

I think OM has given me this deep down, found revelation that anything can be fun. Anything can be playful. Say you're fighting with your girlfriend, then you think, this could be kind of fun. Or your house is a mess, then you think, cleaning might actually be fun. Have to call somebody you don't want to speak to for whatever reason? There could be a way to make that fun. I didn’t have that ability before. And I think OM has a lot to do with it.