[T]he question becomes, ‘How do we stay in the game? How do I make it so we can both win?’ It’s no longer, ‘Why isn’t this person doing exactly what I said?’


I first heard about Orgasmic Meditation in 2013 from my mentor. He described it and I said, “You want me to do what?” But because he recommended it, I bought a class. Then, it was a matter of who I would OM with. I didn’t want to OM with a stranger. So, I tabled it.

It took me months of dating before I felt comfortable enough to OM with someone. We had a private OM trainer and everything went wrong. I was nervous. My partner was late. I wanted to kill him. In spite of that, the minute we started the practice I felt something that, as a Latin woman with so much conditioning around sex, I had never ever experienced in my life. To be receiving pleasure without thinking, ‘How am I going to pay this back?’ I just thought, ‘Wow.’

I had been orgasmic. It was just that one piece—to be receiving without any need for repayment. Previously, my thoughts would be, ‘You’re doing this for me. Later, I’ll do x, y, or z for you.’ This was the first time I could just feel the sensation in my body and think, ‘Wow, this is what this sensation feels like.’ All I had to do was drop into my body for 15 minutes. I didn’t have to check and see how he was doing.

It made me aware of how often I was taking in so much other information. Is the other person okay? Are they comfortable? Is the temperature okay? That’s how we’re taught as women. OM is the only time I get to lay there and say, ‘My only job here is to feel in my body.’

Now, I can definitely hold more sensation in my body without checking out during an OM. I feel my clitoris. I feel the heat going up and down my body. I feel where the highest point of sensation is. I feel my breath, my extremities. The biggest takeaway was realizing, ‘Oh, I can feel that this person’s giving me something and I’m able to enjoy it, and I’m not thinking about whatever I’m going to do in return.’ That’s such a big thing in my life. I was like, ‘Oh, I can feel all of this pleasure? This is fantastic.’ I was excited, my partner was excited, everybody was excited.

Then, one day, I was watching Nicole Daedone on a video say, ‘If you are a sister, part of your job is to leave every man you’ve met more brilliant than when you met him.’ That changed my practice. I thought, ‘I don’t think I do that.’ I’m a very confident woman, a very powerful woman and a lot of times the feedback I get from men is, “I’m not good enough for you.” It’s never felt true to me, but it did to them. What was I not seeing?

The biggest difference between now and before is how I receive men. When I would speak, my message would often come off as dry or flat. There was no real emotion underneath it because of how hard I tried to keep myself composed when I delivered it. They were looking at it like, ‘Wow, this woman’s got it so together.’

The lesson became, ‘How do I deliver my message with as much love as possible for myself and the other person, without making anyone wrong?’ That is a practice.

I got that from OMing, which has shown me how to be more aware around giving and receiving. I noticed things like, ‘Oh, I could have stayed longer in that sensation. Oh, I see that I checked out there.’ So, there’s more for me to clean up in the moment because I’m more aware. In the past, those things might have been there, but I just wasn’t aware.

I have learned that OM is a gift, and that my gift back is to accept it. So, in life, I now slow down enough to accept a compliment when I hear it; I am willing to be vulnerable enough to show my excitement or my hurt; I express my emotions more in real time no matter how messy. This part I’m still working on because I was conditioned to think it’s not appropriate. I’m not supposed to be chaotic or loud. I’m supposed to be composed and well spoken; to look and be a certain way.

I now try to feel someone’s gesture in my heart however it’s given: as a rose or a compliment, a dinner or a car wash. Whatever I receive is a loving gesture. On the other hand, if I can be with the sensation when I think they’ve done something wrong, I can share my pain with them, explain why it hurts, or show them how they can win with me. That is a more loving act. Then, I tend to be much better received and understood. That’s new for both of us.

Asking for adjustments in OMs has taught me how to ask for what I want both in an OM and in my relationships with men. Before, I’d often ask with a bark behind the request. Now, men say I’m softer. So I see the effect of my adjustments in how I’m perceived by others.

My OM partner is in a sacred practice with me. I have a lot of reverence for it. I’m so thankful that my partner is willing to OM and I don’t ever want to bark or order him to do anything. It’s an absolute gift that he’s there. Similarly, why would I want to bark or yell at my life partner? It’s an absolute gift that he’s there.

When you’re both in the practice, you’re there to feel. There’s no other goal. So I look at my relationships the same way, that we’re there to connect and love each other. How do we play that game better? If I see that I’m asking for something, and the person is having a hard time giving it to me, the question becomes, ‘How do we stay in the game? How do I make it so we can both win?’ It’s no longer, ‘Why isn’t this person doing exactly what I said?’ It used to feel like he didn’t love me enough to do what I asked. If I look at it more like a game, then it’s no longer a reflection on whether he loves me. Instead, I look at a situation like, 'Oh, he wants to stay in the game. He wants to connect and he wants love.’ So, I look at what part is not landing. ‘How do I make it so we both get something out of it?’

OM is a sacred practice and if my partner wants to be in loving connection, then anything other than that is something we have an opportunity to work on. With OM, you are constantly learning how to win the game you both agreed to play. My biggest learning has been how to stay present with someone and my number one goal is to make them brilliant.

Catherine is a Hispanic woman, born and raised in Queens, who manages an entertainment establishment.