I See More Beauty in LifeBY LEE WILLIAMS
My father died when I was eight. He was a heavy drinker and violent toward my mother, and he left us with a lot of debt. My mom worked morning, noon, and night to pay off the debts and then she developed a drinking problem herself, so I really never had much of a relationship with either parent.
I’d describe my relationships with women before I started to OM as passive. Most of the people I dated I met in pubs. Some of the women were fairly promiscuous and they’d quickly move on to someone else.
My sexual education came from my peer group. Nobody really mentioned the clitoris. When I was younger, I worked with a guy doing deliveries together in a van and we’d end up going to massage parlors where you’d turn up, take your clothes off, do what was going to happen, then put your clothes back on again. I was very socially shy.
I was married for fifteen years to a woman I found quite needy. I was working as a yoga teacher when I was with my wife and women would come on to me. It was easy to have extra-marital relations. I always lacked commitment. In the end, it was really a lack of commitment to myself.
When the marriage ended, I had no interest in meeting anyone else. I started to live a bit of a hermit’s life, and I was drinking a lot in the evenings. Life had little direction. Each day felt pretty much the same as the day before.
About a year before coming to OM, I started to attend Ayahuasca ceremonies and came to see that life did in fact have some magic in it. At one of the ceremonies, I met someone who told me about Orgasmic Meditation and I decided to look into it.
My first time stroking felt surreal. Every clitoris is different. If the hood gets engorged, then the clitoris might disappear underneath it. Sometimes, you’re lucky to be on it at all.
At first, adjustments kind of triggered me, but now that I’ve been OMing for two and a half years, I’ve developed in the practice and I have no problem with women asking for what they want. They know what they’re feeling more than I do. I do still get triggered, and sometimes it might take a couple of hours for the triggering to work through me. But now, I can laugh at myself once it’s cleared.
Because of OM, I’ve slowed down a lot more when I am sexual with women. When you are stroking in OM you have the time to notice a lot of things. Like how much more engorged a woman’s genitals become when her clitoris is stimulated for fifteen minutes. I love when women know how to ask for what they want. I feel more present in sex and in life now.
I used to perceive and judge women on looks. But then I started OMing with women who were in their late 40s or early 50s, had children, and had been weathered by life. I’d look at their genitals and their faces and somewhere in there, I began to see them in a different light. OM allows me to see more beauty in people and in life. On the whole, I can see the positive and get out of the negative more quickly.
My relationship to my body has also changed. When I was a yoga teacher, I was hard on myself. I always had to be able to do twice what I expected from the attendees of my classes. Now I’m relaxed about exercise and do what feels good for me and my body.
After an OM, I feel relaxed. It takes the drudge of the day away. An evening OM can totally change my energy, and the best OM will put me in that flow state I sometimes get in sports where everything seems to go perfectly. OM has become very important to me. And all it asks of me is to show up.