I started OMing five years ago, because I felt I was on my knees in my relationships. I’d just broken up with a guy and I was off work from my tech company from stress. I’d sit around with my girlfriends and we’d talk about what we thought the problem was. The general idea seemed to be that my orgasms were wrong—they weren’t very climactic. I really enjoyed sex, but I didn’t have those explosive orgasms.
One of my friends mentioned a TED Talk she’d heard by this woman called Nicole Daedone. I watched the video and the minute she said the words ‘Orgasmic Meditation,’ I felt something in my body I knew I needed to explore. I was living and working in Copenhagen, Denmark, at the time and I could only find one woman trained in the practice. So, I contacted my ex-boyfriend in Norway. He flew to Copenhagen and we did a training together.
That first time I was stroked, I was blown away. There was a moment when I felt I was letting go, and I could feel my clitoris getting warm. Then I felt warmth all across my body. It was a new feeling. It was amazing!
I remember my boyfriend describing my genitals. This incredible intimacy opened up between us. In the two years we’d been in a relationship, he’d never looked at my genitals like that. I realized I’d been carrying a lot of shame. This time, we connected to something deeper that we had never touched before.
That’s when my journey with OM started. I eventually met a guy in Copenhagen and we’ve had around 200 OMs together. It’s a connection practice that’s been challenging on every level. It took me a while to develop a language for the new feelings in my body. Like, I’ll feel electricity in my legs, but before I’d discount all those sensations, even if I noticed them, because I didn’t have words for them. They didn’t seem to fit what I thought orgasm was.
I thought I wasn’t having proper climaxes and that the guy I was with wanted that climax to satisfy his ego. Basically, I got a whole new level of approval for everything that was happening in my body. I’m much more aware of my body now and I’ve seen how my clitoris has changed. It’s become a lot bigger and I’ve become aware that it’s possible to have different sensations in different areas of my clitoris—different pulsations at different frequencies.
I’m in much better shape than I was five years ago when I started OMing, and my life has changed radically. I’m now in a good relationship and I’ve changed jobs. When I OM consistently, I have a lot more energy to put into my business and my everyday life. I’m more tolerant. I can stay in situations that other people don’t think are so pleasant.
And, I’m no longer afraid of showing my feelings at work or listening to my body for guidance. For instance, I’m mentoring two refugees who are starting a zero-waste supermarket. OM teaches me to check with my body for which ideas feel real when I’m mentoring. Like, “Let’s try it out!” Or, “Where’s the excitement in that?” If you feel into your body, you can tell whether a suggestion seems flat or if it makes you feel electricity and a raw connection. I’ve come to see that level of honesty as verbal orgasm—not that it’s always easy.
I used to think my strength was keeping up a facade, withholding, pretending to have it all together. In the world of OM, it can be annoying that I can no longer hide from my partner of three years, who also OMs. A few times, I’ve been angry or irritated with him, but I held back from saying what I felt. I thought I’d be a bad girlfriend if I said the thing. Then, when we’d OM, it was as if I’d shut down my clit. I could feel a retraction and he’d feel confused. Basically, our OM is a barometer for how connected we are in our relationship. It’s annoying that I can’t hide. But I realize that if I’m in my I-don’t-want-to-cause-problems head, it’s going to put a barrier between us and the orgasm.
It’s also changed the way I have sex. Before, my boyfriend would automatically start pumping. I enjoy that too—because, we’re horny, right? But I discovered there was more on the menu than the sex we were having. He was worried he’d lose his erection if he went slow. But that has never been a problem. In fact, we discovered that if we do it super slow we feel more a lot more electricity coming through.
OM gives me pleasure outside of sex as well, and also nourishes my body. The biggest change since I began to OM has been adding daily nourishment in my life.
Anne is a 45-year-old IT consultant from Norway.