A Whole New World of Feelings, Emotions, and SensationsBY HANNES MEYER
I had a decent job with a decent income, but there was a certain numbness to my life. I was getting sick quite often—nothing serious, just colds and stuff like that. But it was a constant that I definitely related to the general numbness I was feeling, marked by the inability to express what I needed and ultimately go for what I wanted. I didn’t have much access to my emotions and feelings, and certainly no real ability to express them in any meaningful way. In personal relationships with friends and family I never knew what needed to be done or what the other person wanted from me. My marriage wasn't working very well either. Our relationship felt flat and stale.
I was taking some self-discovery classes, and after a class someone started talking about OM. It sounded interesting, and I went back home and talked about it with my wife. We looked at the website together and I felt a certain level of curiosity. But there was also some degree of fear and I could sense the perfectionist in me popping up. I was certain if I tried this I would do it all wrong.
It was my wife who signed us up for the intro to OM. She tends to be more active while I tend to be more reserved about trying something new; thinking about OM, I felt rather frozen and blocked. I knew that I wanted to feel closer to her and wanted our relationship to be more intimate, in particular our sexual connection. OM gave me a glimpse of hope. And, if I'm honest, the thought that I could learn how to stroke a woman’s genitals effectively appealed to me. I always pretended to know what I was doing, but to be honest I really had no idea. Still, Angelique had to more or less drag me to the event.
My first OM was terrifying. I was shaking and super nervous and didn't know what I was doing. It felt like the instructions I had been given were insufficient and that I needed to learn more facts. I thought I was supposed to learn some elaborate technique, and the simplicity of it all was very confusing to me. Even so, there was this felt experience–a very very small felt experience—of something opening up.
That first OM was like a tiny crack in a dam. Soon floodgates opened and there was a whole new world of feelings, emotions, and sensations that I was learning to express. The more I expressed these feelings, the more I started to gain a degree of intellectual understanding about myself. I began to view the practice as something which connected me to myself and humanity.
This expansion is ongoing. It spills over into how I show up in the world and relate to others. The more I practiced OM, the more honest my conversations with people, especially women, became. I discovered there is an energetic connection in the man-woman relationship, where even without things being said we can, as humans, feel and understand one another. It’s a sort of foundation or baseline I am learning to trust. I know I can open up and sense things. I can feel, “This is what she wants right now.”
There have been a couple of moments where Angelique has said, “Oh, how do you know that?” or “Why did you just say that?” And sometimes this can be confronting for both her as well as me. But OM has given me a very new perspective. There is a deeper truth to human relationships when you strip away all of the unnecessary things—the obligations and constructs—and get down to bare bones. Life becomes more effortless and more joyful, although not necessarily always pleasurable. It certainly becomes undeniably real.
Angelique was clear that she didn’t want us to OM exclusively, and she started to OM a lot with different partners. I was super jealous, and that wasn't very pleasurable. But it opened up my repressed emotions. Jealousy, literally, was the very first and very big emotion that got triggered early in the practice. But when I started OMing more regularly with other women, the relationship with my wife took a very different turn. It stopped being a boring transactional relationship and suddenly became sensational—I use the word deliberately. We spent some great moments together and we had great sex. And then there were other moments when we were very angry and upset with each other. Our emotional range expanded a lot, rather like a balloon popping, and the impact was everywhere.
Today I can operate within my personal relationships and even my professional relationships from a place of knowing myself. I’m learning from the inside out. I’ve gone back to my Catholic roots. In church—at least pre-pandemic—I can sit and listen to the Gregorian chants and melodies and feel the profundity and ancient wisdom that has been poured into those melodies. OM has enhanced this sensibility big time.