It’s not about Romeo and JulietBY HAZEL
I first heard about Orgasmic Meditation while I was going through my divorce. I remember being so excited by this totally new practice, but I didn’t check it out because it just wasn’t the time. Divorce was a hard process, but we split amicably in the end. I'd been miserable for a lot of years and so the period after the divorce was actually wonderful. It was a death of the miserable, really, and a rebirth. I wanted to go out and make meaningful connections. I wanted to enjoy sex again. I was hungry for all new experiences, and hungry for sexual experiences. I was in the right space to take on love, and I felt like the world was my oyster.
I was living in London when I met a guy who was into OM. When it came time for me to have my first OM, I was ready for it, but still didn't really know what to expect. I remember my thighs and legs being tense. I just couldn’t completely relax and I actually found the experience to be incredibly un-erotic. I remember going in thinking it would be completely orgasmic, and then I didn’t have an orgasm. I felt like a piece of wood being touched.
At the same time, it was pretty amazing spreading my legs for a man and not have it be in the
context of getting ready for penetration or having sex. I had no idea what he was thinking about. There was no game playing, no hopes and dreams of a Romeo and Juliet encounter. I was exposing my body in a completely different way to somebody who was going to accept it and respect it. I didn't have to be special. I didn't have to be Juliet. I didn’t have to worry about his hopes and dreams. I was just me providing my body for an experience.
I remember my first climax, I was so chuffed. Even though the focus in OM isn’t on climaxing, I had been getting increasingly frustrated that I wasn’t having an orgasm. My first time was with a guy I had OMed with a couple of times, and afterwards he was so happy for me. It was really very sweet.
I loved OMing with a varied collection of people of all ages and different backgrounds. People who are drawn to OM think differently and seem to be on their own mission. I realized pretty early on that OM wasn't a sexual experience. I understood it was really about opening up my body and learning to receive in a whole new way. But I am a slow learner. I release things slowly and I process things slowly. I eventually stopped OMing because I wanted to pursue some practices that focus more on climax.
I learned how to be more comfortable with my body. Never in my life had I exposed my body and not gone on a diet beforehand. Before OM I was always worried about my body and how it looked. I must have my legs shaved. I must have the perfect bikini wax. The cellulite on my thighs has bothered me ever since I was a teenager. Early on, I stopped worrying about those things. I remember one time I scheduled for a couple of OMs and I had my period. So I asked both my partners beforehand, “Do you mind? And they both said “No, it doesn't bother me at all.” I’d never experienced that kind of unconcerned consciousness. The guys who OM are far more accepting than most men I’ve ever met. It's beautiful. They helped me to learn not to care… in a good way.
Today, OM has led to all sorts of different experiences. Overall, my ego is much more confident, and I am more relaxed in social situations. I can bounce back from things, and in intimate situations, I can much more easily be myself.
I know in the future I’ll come back to OM. It’s just taking me time to wrap my mind around opening up and not focusing on the climax, which is something I've never really tapped into. My whole life has been about, “Can I aim for climax?” So, while I do know that I want to come back, right now it's about finding the right avenue to return. If I go about it the same way I did the first time, I'll just end up on the same old freeway. But I’m confident I’ll get there someday.