When I moved to San Francisco at age 24, I was shy and uncomfortable in social situations. Nevertheless, I had a spiritual hunger that motivated me to dabble in different mindfulness-oriented communities. That’s how I stumbled upon Orgasmic Meditation.
At first, I had only met people who were OMing. There were all different kinds of people, but what connected them all was that they were profoundly authentic and vulnerable with one another. It hit the piece of my soul I’d been looking to fill.
I kept spending time with people who OMed, but I didn’t try the practice for a while. The thought of a stranger touching my genitals made me nervous. But the more I got to know the people, the more it hit me that the reason they were so amazing was that they were all OMing.
When I first tried to OM with a friend of mine, my heart was pounding. It took me by surprise how safe, open, and relaxed I began to feel. For the next few days, I felt incredibly happy, calm, and clear-minded. Then, my self-doubt started to crawl back in and I thought, ‘Now I get why people do this every day.’ So, I set out to do that. I was nervous to ask people to OM at first, but within a few months, I was OMing almost every day.
When I would OM, the pleasurable sensations would spread through my whole body and energize me. It was like my appetite woke up, not just for sex but for life. The more I OMed, the more time my body spent in that excited state. I felt a lightness I hadn’t felt since I was a child. I was putting out positive vibes wherever I went. I got good at feeling good.
Still, I’d often notice my mind wandering during OMs. I’d think about what I was doing and how the other person was perceiving me. When that happened, I’d remind myself to breathe and bring my attention back to my body. After practicing this for a while, I got better at turning off my mental chatter. As I was getting out of my head, I was also getting my attention on my body. I learned to feel what the stroker was doing and if I wanted more attention to the right or the left or slower or faster.
Almost immediately, I felt a surge in self-confidence. Becoming more present in my body made me feel sexy, playful, and flirtatious. I became less introverted and less scared of people, especially men. OM provided me with a community of people I felt safe to be vulnerable with as I learned to turn off my self-defeating thoughts. Since we were already all engaged in a practice involving clitoral stroking, it felt like there was nothing left to hide from one another. In general, I felt softer, more vulnerable, more trusting and less compelled to isolate myself.
My confidence surge came in part, I think, from challenging what society teaches women to be. I’d learned that being a good girl meant being small and quiet and certainly not taking my pants off in front of someone I wasn’t dating. Crossing that line required me to find courage within myself every day and think, ‘I’m gonna go for something I actually want.’ Finding that wherewithal in my soul helped me develop a lot of self love.
I was challenging the story I’d told myself about who I was. Every time I OMed, I was reminded of that rebellion and how significant it was.
Then, there were the OMs that felt off to me—where someone wouldn’t completely follow the rules or would touch me somewhere that didn’t feel good. At first, I would say nothing and then grow to resent them. Soon, I realized it was not worth sacrificing my own comfort for someone else’s ego. I learned to speak up.
Speaking up for my physical desires during OMs became practice for voicing my emotional desires in relationships. I started expressing healthier boundaries with friends and romantic partners. I learned to advocate for what I wanted even in tense moments and arguments, neither shrinking back and conceding nor invalidating the other person’s desires.
Before OM, I’d follow a particular sequence of actions during sex: make out, please my partner, telepathically try to get them to do things I wanted. I liked sex, but I had no idea what was possible. OM got me clear on what my body wanted and how to communicate those desires to someone in real time.
Eventually, I became an OM coach, so I could help other women undo their conditioning and follow their desires, as well. Before, I never would have felt I had the authority to give people advice, let alone professionally. I now share my wisdom with passion.
Through OM, I’ve found the profound spiritual experience I was seeking when I came to San Francisco. It’s the place I go to connect to myself and others, to be in perfect resonance with all that is, and to be in sync with nature’s rhythms. I had a relationship with God before, but now, I can feel the presence of God every day. OM is where the spiritual and the material meet. To me, that’s God.
See Aubrey tell her story here!
Aubrey Fuller is a 34-year-old program director living between New York City and California.