The Gift of Being Uncomfortable

BY QUANTUM

I crave intimacy, being awake in this life, and connecting with the generosity of the human spirit. The question for me has always been about ending suffering and finding healing. In OM, I found an opening and a path forward. But my story begins several years earlier, when I found myself on the verge of a crisis and a breakdown.

When I was 30 years old, I had a sizable career in real estate in New York City. I was in a powerful position, overseeing the development and sales of a 44-story building to the tune of a $130 million sellout. The focus was on performing, and my life was entirely about work. I was pulling 13-hour days, six days a week, and I ate and slept onsite. When I completed the project after a three- to five-year run, I was utterly depleted, both physically and emotionally. 

At the time, I was married and making a profound amount of money. I had two dogs, an Audi Q7, and two apartments. On paper, I was a woman who supposedly had it all. But I wasn’t fulfilled. I was burnt out and completely broken. 

When I finally got a break, I found myself on a long road trip with my wife. My mind finally had a chance to go wide and I had the capacity to reflect. My schedule had been so demanding that I had lost the ability to feel. And what came up was a lot of grief. The culture tells you that if you have what I had, you’re finally free, you’re happy, you’ve made it. But all I could feel was a deep and painful dissatisfaction.

That aha moment in the car made me question everything. What is the meaning of my life? Why am I doing what I'm doing? What matters to me and to my heart? I knew I had to step away. I went to Austin, my hometown, as a reprieve. And listening deeply, I could hear that I wanted something else.

So, I dove into it. I left New York, I left my relationship, I sold what I had and moved to Europe. For three years, I explored everything—bodywork, somatic work, energetic healing, remote healing. I spent time in Geneva, Berlin, and France, on a personal dive to see, What do I want out of this life? 

When I came back to New York, I no longer fit because I had changed so much from these phenomenal life experiences. After the unplugging I had done, I had no desire to keep up with the intense frequency of the city. I went back to Austin, where I felt held in the support of old friends. Yet I didn’t have the kind of community there that matched my current spiritual endeavors. I had to build that, so I did some searching.

I found out about Orgasmic Meditation online. “Spiritual” was one of the words I typed into my browser, and OM came up. My curiosity was piqued, and I ended up attending an event about it. And that’s where I experienced my first OM. 

I am bisexual, but at that time I identified more as lesbian. While I had slept with some men during my time in Europe, my history until then had been a 15-year run of strong emotional and physical connections with women. Yet when the opportunity to OM presented itself, I found myself deciding to do it with a man. 

I went into it with a lot of excitement and curiosity. Even in the butterflying open of my legs, I felt a heightened, tingling, anticipatory giddiness. It was powerful to have my clitoris be the object of so much attention and focus. I also felt an enormous amount of uncomfortability—which showed me that even after all the spiritual exploring I had done, there was still this area of my life where I needed integration. 

It wasn’t just about doing it with a man. It was more about experiencing the essence of myself through an intimate exchange of energy. My uncomfortability signaled to me that this was where I ought to be. It rang out as a clear message: “I need this.” I knew that through OM, I’d be able to learn and continue the important work of my own awakening, healing, and integration. 

I committed to a regular practice with regular partners. Sometimes I would have two or three sessions a day. In those early days, OM was a rebirthing for me. It created an accumulation of energy in my body and real desire.

At first, I paired mostly with men—and OM allowed me to break barriers within my connection to men intimately. I didn't realize that I had shut myself off sexually to men ever since I’d gone through a bad breakup when I was 21. I’d been with women ever since. Through OM, I was able to get comfortable with male desire and even celebrate it. This was a massive shift. 

About eight months into my practice, I had the experience of being the stroker. I was shocked at how much energy was in my body from stroking. It was as though I had been plugged into a battery pack. When I left that OM, I had so much energy in my body. It was wild how jacked up I felt from the exchange. 

I’ve had both men and women OM partners, and I’ve been both a strokee and a stroker. And I’ve learned so much about the movement of energy and the connectivity of people. I even learned how to touch energetically rather than physically. And all of that was so fascinating and exhilarating and rewarding.

OM has transformed so much for me—from my ability to receive pleasure, which is exponentially heightened, to my capacity to pay attention and be present. You don't know how much further you can expand until you start expanding. My awareness is more embodied, and I feel more grounded and confident in who I am. 

My OMing practice was the catalyst for the confidence and assurance that I have today in everything I do—in my relationship, in my business, in my capacity to show up in the world. I’ve stepped into my power and mastery. I am the 5.0 quantum version of myself.

The magic of the practice is that it gives you the support and courageousness to hold space for other human beings, so we can all explore the question of “Who am I?” In this body-centered practice, we can explore the vehicle in which we exchange our care and intimacy for another partner, our care and intimacy for ourselves, and our care and intimacy for the people in our world. It has changed me in profound ways, and I am so grateful for it.