Caring For Others Became A Delight

BY DB

I grew up in California, and kicked around life a lot, trying different things. Eventually I decided to become a pilot—that was back in the days of the Vietnam War. But I busted up my knee in a football game and totally blew my chances for that. Then I got into doing drugs and a lot of shady stuff. And by some fluke I got into selling motorcycles and motorcycle parts. Then I started building show bikes, which were all chrome and gold pearlescent paints with flames and extended front ends. And then I started showing those bikes and winning trophies. 

One day an old friend from college came by and said, “Hey, DB, you got any photos of your bikes? They're really nice pieces of art.” So I bought a camera and seven years later, I had two degrees in photography and had moved to New York City to begin work as a commercial advertising photographer. I spent about 10 years in the Big Apple establishing a photo business, but eventually I had to leave because I couldn't be around a lot of drugs anymore. So I came back to California to San Francisco and cleaned up my act. 

I remember the day I learned about Orgasmic Meditation. It was December 14, 2014. I didn't date or go out much or anything else, so my roommate suggested going to some Meetups. I don’t even remember what the subject was that day, but at some point this young woman stands up and starts talking about Orgasmic Meditation and how wonderful it made her feel, genitally speaking. And don’t you know that got my attention. There sure was a whole lot more going on in the world than I knew about!

I went to an Introduction and watched a demonstration. I have to say I was really surprised by the fact that women would actually drop their drawers like that! I signed up for a class right then and there. When the day came, I was both nervous and excited, but, of course, I put on a casual air of, “Oh, I've done this type of thing before.” I remember a young woman asked me if I wanted to OM. I figured she picked me because I'm just an old dude and there wasn't any possibility of anything going on beyond just the practice. 

Up to that point in my life, the limbic connection thing had kind of eluded me. For the longest time, I really had to think about whether I was ever really feeling something or not. But when I OMed with this person … wow. There was something rumbling there. There were sensations. And I was surprised by that. I was also surprised that I never got aroused. Right from the start I realized that Orgasmic Meditation is not sexual, but rather more spiritual. And I really got into the modality of it being non-sexual. I think it was a boon for me, because if the practice had really been sexual, I would probably want to carry something on farther. But because it isn't, I could just relax. 

And then one day I had an OM that just overwhelmed me as far as feeling and as far as the limbic connection is concerned. I felt like a furnace. The sensation and the energy were just incredible. I remember saying afterward, when we were about to go into a second OM, “No, no, no! I need at least 15 minutes to come down from this!” I was so wound up that I didn't want to start to another OM right away.

Over time, the more I OMed, the more spiritual the practice became and the more I felt like I was in service. It became more sacred because I felt that I was serving the divine feminine. And that made me feel good about myself.

I admit there was a downside to the practice at times. My hands are more thick than long. My fingers are too short to be effective for a heavyset lady because I couldn't reach the right spots. At the time I didn't realize that you can stop and own that things aren't right—which I should have done instead of trying to make it work. A few times I tried to muster through, and it was really bad. It was uncomfortable for the strokee, and I was uncomfortable because I wasn't completing my duties. I felt inadequate and frustrated and shamed. But I eventually learned to just be honest and realize there are some things I can’t do.

I think one of the things Orgasmic Meditation teaches you is that love doesn't always have to be a two-way street. You can love without being loved back, just for the mirror, just for the sake of love. OM changes your perspective as you realize that you gain more out of giving than taking. For example, I had promised my dad I would take care of my mom as she got older. After a while, it kind of became a chore. After I started OMing it became a lot easier to look after my mother until she passed. Actually, it became more of a delight. My mom couldn’t say anything to me directly, but she told my niece how much she appreciated how I was taking care of her. 

I guess the greatest thing that came out of OMing was it grew my ability to love without possessiveness and without jealousy, which is totally averse to the way I had lived previously. It opened me up to many other experiences that I probably wouldn't have sought out or encountered. Last, but not least, it taught me I could deal with sexuality and relationships without shame. It showed me that desires are natural and not duplicitous, allowing me to more fully realize the human experience.