Touching My Soul through My Body

BY HEATHER

I found OM via a book reading in San Francisco, and I was intrigued. I was recently divorced and wanted to get back in touch with my sexuality again, after being in a sexless marriage. I was at a place in life where I was trying to do some out of the box things, like flying a plane; things likely to yield an adrenaline rush, or put me on an edge, to feel again. I was single and back in the city and almost relearning my ability to feel. That drew me to OM.

I was terrified in my first OM. It was uncomfortable and not very pleasurable, but I was willing to try anything once. There was a Facebook group at the time, with about 1,000 people, and members would post their life-changing experiences about what they got out of OM, so I knew there was something to it that I had not yet tapped into.

I stuck with it, knowing there was a way to get to the awesomeness these people talked about. I’d OM every few weeks, and finally, one day, I had an OM in which everything shifted. It was as if a light went on and I could feel pleasure in the experience. I felt a release, an opening, like some part of me was touched that had not been before. I made it a practice for 30 days, doing it every day, to see if it made a difference in my life.  

Before OM, life in terms of relationships was totally different. My definition of relationship has broadened so much and my abilities to have intimacy with other people is so much better now with OM. But before that, I didn’t really know what intimacy was. The OM practice taught me how to open up and communicate vulnerably, which begins when you get into the nest and open your legs, which is a vulnerable position for any woman. Once you have that experience, it then becomes much easier in life to be open and emotionally available, which allows me to better give and receive connection with friends, romantic relationships, co-workers. 

I had met my ex-husband while traveling and we were companions and lovers and finished each other’s sentences. I thought he was my soul mate. We went down the classic path: get married, buy a house, get two dogs, jobs...It was very traditional and conventional. We didn’t end up having kids, but it was a pretty typical, married couple life. We fought about all those typical things in marriage, money and who would do what around the house. We went out and did things. We had our lives and were good friends. Over time, there was less and less sex, which I do think should be important, but overall we were normal.

The truth is, though, we never really dropped into things that were important. Issues would get swept under the rug, or we would talk through a solution, but then it would happen again. It snowballed because we never got to the root of the issues. We weren’t really feeling one another. I think we were afraid to feel one another, and it kept us in our own corners like in a boxing ring. I even began to think it was normal to not have sex in a marriage. We parted amicably after things just fizzled, because we were always playing on the surface. 

With OM, what shifted for me is the realization that there was so much more possible in terms of how my body could open up in a way that felt like someone touching my soul. It was more of an emotional experience than just a physical one. It was as if so much opened up and shifted during OM that it changed how I saw sex.

I had struggled with ADD all my life, and I was a hyperactive child. As an adult, I found the more stress I had in life, the less able I was to focus. I would fill my days with tasks, errands, chores, and things like that so I wouldn’t have to sit still and be with my feelings. With OM, I learned to just stay still and focus on this one sensation, without judgment, and just feel. It gave me a deep understanding that sensation is just sensation, and it will pass. Even an unpleasant feeling will pass, and you are the one who chooses to attach the judgment of it being bad or good, but you can choose to just feel it and let it pass. You learn in OM to let your thoughts control your experience. I learned everything is really under my control because I have this choice. I learned it by surrendering and laying on my back in the nest.

One of the biggest takeaways I got from OM focuses on the process of making requests and adjustments as an exercise to know what I want, and then to be able to ask for it. When you make these requests, you are exploring and learning your body at such a finite level, you know one small move will bring more sensation and a deeper connection to your body (and your partner). That level of precision really made me more aware of and connected to my body and my genital area and empowered me to not be afraid to ask for what I want and need.

Prior to OM, I was never good at sitting meditation. I can’t sit still for 20 minutes and meditate like that. But with OM, I was able to focus on the sensation and it got me out of my overactive head so that I could put my attention on something tactile. That was compelling enough to allow me to drop into a space that was meditative for 15 minutes, even multiple times a day. That has really had the effect of training my mind to focus on one thing, which is important for all areas of my life. I am much less distracted, and I can easily bring my attention back to what I need to be doing. 

I used to have so much pent-up energy and I would have to find these ways to release the agitation. OM helped me find an avenue to release this energy, to alchemize and process it in a reasonable way, not in a negative or irritable way as before. I feel more comfortable with my body and sensations, so I can put that energy toward purpose in my life now.  Through the practice and the people I have met through OM, of all ages, all shapes and sizes, walks of life, body types, it is the most diverse community I’ve ever encountered. This practice is truly so available to and utilized by so many people, it removes that layer of thought and expectation I had that age or appearance were important. I know now it’s that deeper connection that is so much more important. 

It is really an incredible practice with so many benefits for people. It’s sad to see a stigma associated with the practice because of the associations with sex, nudity, etc. But it should be more widely accepted because it helps so many people.