Finding the Freedom to Ask


I’ve been doing OM for 10 years now.   I know that a lot of people come to OM because they’re going through a difficult time and are hungry for something that will bring real change. They’re looking for a life-changing experience from the get-go.  That wasn’t me.  I came to OM out of little more than curiosity, I searched and found a group who taught Orgasmic Meditation. What I received in return was well beyond anything I could have imagined.

There’s always been a part of me that felt like I had certain desires that would never be fulfilled. I’d always been in monogamous relationships, and I wanted something more open to explore. I was curious about polyamory and other alternative ways of loving.  I wasn’t sure if it was possible to ever experience what I was curious about, but I figured my best chance was to find a group of like-minded people.  Honestly, that was my goal in coming to my first OM.

Before my first OM, I would have said I was really good at stimulating a woman.  I knew my way around their bodies – or so I thought.  Then came my first time stroking, and I felt as if I didn’t know anything. It was humbling and scary and I had sweat pouring out of me. I was scared I would drip all over my partner.  I was shocked – this wasn’t at all what I’d expected.  I’d thought of myself as an expert on sex, but my first OM showed me I had a lot to learn.

One of the things I needed to learn was that OM was about a lot more than sex.  I got a taste of that the first time, when I suddenly felt this strange warmness in my heart while I was stroking.  I’d never felt anything like that before.  Make no mistake, I still felt skeptical. At the same time, I was also open-minded and interested and curious to explore a bit more.

That curiosity didn’t lead me very far for a while.  I had other things going on, and though I’d done my first OM in 2010, it wasn’t until 2013 that I fully committed to my practice. Two things that contributed to me opening in the OM practice was continuing my education about the philosophy of OM, and building up to a consistent daily practice.  I started to feel competent as a stroker, and I could feel more unexpected sensations like the warmth in my chest. I felt free and empowered. The more I OM’d, the more I started to get it and really understand what was available here. There was a whole range of sensation to feel, and I was predisposed to the intense variety. Similar to how I learned OM is not sex, I realized it’s not going to be explosive and ecstatic every time. A lot of times, the sensations and flavors in an OM are way more subtle, like a soft humming or a stillness. And I learned to enjoy all of it. 

At the beginning, I said that what brought me to OM was plain curiosity. I’d like to amend that.  I was sad – there was a lot of deep sorrow in my life, even though I enjoyed how a lot of my life had been going before I found the practice.  I did feel alone and scared, and that loneliness was what drove me to make a lot of the decisions I did.   Now, I’m part of this extraordinary practice that is based on connection and being with what is. I can be in touch with all parts of myself, even the darkness that I hid away, and I can engage with it in healthy and meaningful ways.

One of the major takeaways I gained from my OM practice was the permission to express myself. I always knew there was a confident man in here but I always pushed that down. I was more shy than I let on and I felt scared to let the bold part of me out, unsure of how I would be received. OM helped me find approval for my passionate nature, and I became less reliant on external validation. What I can do now is acknowledge what I’m wanting and ask for it.  Once I ask, I’m genuinely okay whether the answer is yes, or no.  Whether I get exactly what I want isn’t the point anymore.  What matters is my freedom and ability to express myself.

It doesn’t just matter for me. That’s the thing about OM – when you make a shift, you shift everyone around you.  I see it all the time now.  People experience me asking for what I desire, and they’re blown away by the directness. They may not want to give me what I want, I may not want to give them what they want, our desires may have nothing to do with each other.  That’s not the point.  The point is that they want that kind of confidence, that kind of certainty and power.  It’s incredible to see someone else embracing that kind of change in their life where they can start expressing their desire with boldness.