More About Connection than Sex

BY HARRY RENARD

As weird as it sounds, Orgasmic Meditation was probably the most work I've done sexually speaking. But it was also one of the least sexual things I’ve ever done. 

The first time I found out about OM I was on vacation in the United States. I was checking out different kinds of MeetUps, and ran across one about Orgasmic Meditation. When I got there the people were really nice, open and sweet really. Afterwards a bunch of us went out for drinks. Again, it was interesting and I could feel a connection with the people, but I kept wondering what’s so orgasmic about this experience? It was mainly dudes talking about OM and didn’t seem like a big deal. 

When I emigrated from Armenia and came to live in the United States a few years later, I was newly divorced and picking up the pieces of my broken heart. I was all beat up emotionally and just needed some love and some care. Slowly, I started getting myself back on my feet, and when I did I started to socialize online. Eventually I ran across another OM event. Except this time it was a real introduction to the practice. 

My first OM was interesting, but it was really awkward for both me and my partner. She said it felt like there was electricity coming from my fingers, like static electricity, and that it was kind of weird and uncomfortable for her. As for me, I really didn't know what to expect. It felt really awkward. I thought maybe I wasn’t doing it right because it was uncomfortable for her. Plus, it was uncomfortable for me as well because I’m really tall and it was difficult to get positioned. 

After that first OM I ended up starting a regular practice. For four months I OMed every week, once a week. Eventually I got into a flow. And when I did, I began to notice that every time I OMed I would feel really grounded. Ordinarily I’m a totally ungrounded person. I’m like a fireball, highly active with a lot of energy. Sometimes it feels like I'm up in the air floating. Feeling so grounded after OMing, feeling like I was standing on the earth, was really noticeable to me. 

At first I also felt like I was there for other people's pleasure, but not really getting much pleasure out of it myself. I think that came out of the expectations I had around OM, believing that it was a sexual practice. Over time, I got over that and tuned into the meditation aspect of it. Focusing on doing just one thing, at some point you forget what you're doing. You're so focused, it’s like you're not really all there. You're just on this one thing, with all your senses going into your finger, stroking and keeping the rhythm and trying to vibe with the energy field of your partner. 

At some point, OM became more about the connecting and less about sex. It became about vulnerability and opening up and becoming aware of my partner’s energy. I remember there was this one woman who was extremely sensitive. No matter how softly I would stroke, it would be too intense for her, almost painful. I was barely even touching her, and she’d be saying “Softer, softer!” And all the while I’m thinking, “Softer? Any softer and I won’t be touching you!” But that wasn’t the point. It was what she needed. OM is not always about the obvious physical aspects of stroking. It’s also so much about the energies involved between the stroker and the strokee.

Speaking of energies, I was always surprised to discover that the women I was most attracted to weren’t usually the ones with whom I’d feel the most connection during the practice. The best OMs weren’t with really hot girls, and I realized it’s so easy to get tricked by looks and other things that attract you. Your intellect tells you one thing. But then when you have the experience it's like a totally different experience. And that's what one of the things I really wanted to explore with OM.

Through that process I learned to be gentler and to have fewer expectations about what a woman needs. Every woman is really different. Yes, it’s a little difficult to have to keep switching gears when you're used to a certain kind of a style. But it’s a great practice for staying tuned in.