From Anxiety to JoyBY GUSTAVO
I’d wake up and my first thought would be, ‘I don’t want to get out of bed.’ I’d feel this intense anxiety pushing on my body. Life felt too big, too much just to get up. Every morning, I felt anxiety, a feeling of not being enough in every way. I felt I didn’t have what it took to satisfy a woman. I wasn’t enough physically, or in any other aspect of what it meant to simply connect with another human. I’d pull out porn and masturbate. After that, my body felt like it could breathe again. Taking those deep breaths was what got me out of bed and functional.
At the time, I was closed off to the idea that connection with a woman was even possible for me. I felt very much in the throes of depression. It was hard just to be.
When one of my best friends told me about a practice that involved stroking women’s genitals, I was hesitant, to say the least. He described the practice to me as an exchange of energy that was palpable, otherworldly, and true. I couldn’t resist. My mind opened enough to stick with the Orgasmic Meditation practice for at least a month, do it consistently, and see what was there for me.
After about my 20th OM, I felt a total night-and-day change. I began waking up feeling a serenity wash over my body. It shocked me, because I wasn’t waking up with the typical anxiety of not being enough. After a couple of weeks of this, my anxiety shifted to a calm feeling over everything!
I reflected on the OM practice and started breaking it down, moment by moment. I saw myself in the container, in the nest, with a strokee, stroking her clitoris—up and down—for 15 minutes. In the span of an OM, I was paying full attention to her system and to the slightest reaction to the pressure or placement of my stroking finger. I noticed I couldn’t think of any other places in my life where I had that kind of focus, the kind where everything else disappeared into the background and the only thing in front of me was the thing I was doing. I was doing something with my full attention for what felt like the first time in my life.
Because of stroking, I became so eager to just listen to what was going on in my interactions in daily life. I became a more sensitive person solely from doing that, sensitive to hearing another person—not to what they say or how they say it, but by feeling. There was a new space I allowed into my life, and that space was pure silence.
OM brought so many benefits into my life. I found myself caring a lot more about what someone next to me was feeling. I recognized the power of hearing them and of getting curious about them and of really connecting with them in deep ways. I see the world through a very different lens now.
One evening, after I left an OM, I started laughing uncontrollably as I walked down the street. I was overflowing with positivity, joy, and a feeling of empowerment. Tapping into this feeling of power is now a tool I use to color my life. I want more in my life, and OM has shown me that I can achieve much more.
I thank God that Orgasmic Meditation came into my life as a practice that I still carry to this day. The amount of growth possible with this practice is limitless.