I’m Not Afraid to be Who I Am

BY GREG

I came to OM in the aftermath of a bitter divorce.  My ex and I had children, and we were battling over everything.  I was so wrapped up in the fight and in the drama of that relationship, and worried about my kids.  I knew I needed a reset for my brain, and a break from all this painful drama. I needed to center on myself for a time.  A woman I had just started seeing told me that she’d been doing OM for a while and asked me if I’d be interested in trying it with her. We weren’t headed for anything romantically serious; we were really just friends who wanted to support each other.  As soon as she said the phrase, “Orgasmic Meditation,” I was fascinated. It was perfect that OM appeared when it did.  I knew I needed to heal some of my shame and find more healthy ways to express myself, and I liked the idea of meditative practice.  Something about OM seemed more concrete and practical. 

It’s funny, but I’ve always had a spotty memory, and I remember almost nothing specific from my first OM.  What I do know is that right from the start, each OM brings the same sensations.  I feel light coming into my head, and heat rising on my face. My whole body starts to wake up, often starting first in my genitals. When I’m aroused in other contexts, it feels like all the blood in my body is rushing to my genitals, but in an OM, it’s as if the blood flows back and forth from my genitals to my stomach, chest, and head.  And it comes with a sense of clarity.  My whole body feels alive.

In OM, we talk about the concept of “containers.”  There are a lot of different ways of describing the concept, but it’s primarily about creating a safe space and structure where people can do their best work together.  It’s always about creating a win/win situation.  It’s not like having boundaries, because boundaries are about stopping people from getting too close – a container is about creating a vessel in which people can all get what they need.  

I’m still in the midst of this very difficult divorce.  It’s long, drawn out, and exhausting.  Instead of getting reactive and enraged, I’ve used the tools I’ve developed in OM to stay present and calm. I’m not ashamed of who I am or how I live, and I do not try and hide my truth any longer.  Even when it’s painful and hard, I stay focused – and I stay truthful about who I am.  So much of that comes from the grounding I have in OM.