Becoming What You Already Are

BY MARINA

A friend of mine sent me information about OM and at the time, I had a client who was coming to see me about his girlfriend’s OCD around hygiene. She would jump up from having sex and head to the bathroom and it was becoming an issue for them. I thought OM could help them, but realized I first should try it myself. I came to an Introduction to OM class but the demonstration of the practice didn’t affect me much. It did put me in touch with my feelings in regards to my own relationship, my marriage, which was decomposing because of betrayal. I had been cheated on, and I was out of control. 

It was getting difficult in the end of my marriage, and I had a lot of sexual depression over it. I knew I had to do something for myself. I had my first OM and decided to go back because the experience left me so open. I had this feeling of being very beautifully naked. I knew then I wanted to always be honest in my life. The first time with OM, I felt safe in the container that is created for the practice. I had thought it was dangerous to play with such high energy and I needed to be able to feel safe letting go.

Then I was diagnosed with cancer and my OM practice was slowed down because of my treatments, but at the same time, it was my OM practice that helped because of the sense of belonging, and having the connections I had made through OM. I don’t think I was ever scared in OM. I felt like it was something happening to me that was FOR me. 

When I came back to OM and began developing a practice around it, it helped me heal some of the shame I had with my body because it allowed me to become comfortable with being exposed.  I didn’t feel discomfort so much because it was a safe place, but being exposed for me was not about that, about uncovering something new. It was more about realizing and exposing what was already there. It was something that was a big surprise to me. I was absolutely astonished that I was able to do it.

I owe my confidence in doing things I never thought I could to OM. It is always there, that confidence, but with OM I could see it. I already knew this, but when you do it, it is really profound. It is becoming what you already are. That is what OM did for me. It taught me about feeling and paying attention to small changes and shifts in my body, and to the sensations I am experiencing. I learned more about those subtleties and I am much more humbled now. 

I have more respect now for my body, and realizing that my body is alive, and being clearer distinguishing between my body and my head. I am more aware of the sensitivity of my own skin, of my whole body. I felt like I couldn’t reach my own body before, but now I can ask her! I learned that when I want to know an answer, I can go deep in me to find it. It took some time, and this is still growing despite my not OMing all the time because of my situation right now. But the connection is always there.