Now, I Make Things Happen

BY MARIA

I did not come to OM at a low point in my life.  If you’d asked me, I wouldn’t have said I was unhappy. I had a very successful business and had just bought my dream apartment. I was a dedicated and respected coach, and well-known throughout my native Sweden. I loved my life.

I believed that a coach should always be learning.  I was constantly taking new courses and trainings, both for my business and my personal development. The more I learned, the more I’d have to offer my clients, and the better my business would get. I wasn’t open to something new because I was desperate to change my life. I was open to something new because that openness and curiosity was part of my professional identity. 

I first learned about OM while doing a special program for experienced coaches. At a retreat that had attendants from all over North America and Europe, I started chatting with a woman from San Francisco and learned she taught Orgasmic Meditation. That sounded interesting, so I started following her professional Facebook page. A few weeks after we met, she posted something about introductory courses. I signed up. Even as I did so, I laughed to myself. I had a pretty good sex life, I thought. I had plenty of orgasms with myself and with others.  I wasn’t sure I needed more.  Still, I figured it wasn’t just about having more orgasms. It was about always being open to new things.

At that time, there was no one doing OM in Sweden. So I bought a plane ticket and flew from Stockholm to San Francisco to have the full experience.  My only option if I stayed home was to learn through a video, and as a coach, I know that the best learning happens in person.  I almost got back on that plane after I saw my first OM demonstration.  I thought I was an open and confident person but seeing this overwhelmed me. My head hurt, and I thought I might throw up. This is crazy, I thought – but I had come so far, and I know I would have told a coaching client to stick it out a little longer. So I stayed, and eventually, had my own first OM.

Even now, all this time later, I’m amazed when women experience intense pleasure during their first OM.  I train people in the practice now, and it still surprises me.  My first OM was intensely painful.  It wasn’t because the stroker was doing it wrong. It wasn’t because there was something wrong with my genitals.  Something in me was resisting OM, and that resistance manifested as agony. I was able to breathe through it.  

Sharing about it afterward with a coach, she said. “Congratulations. You just gave birth to your orgasm.”  She was right – the pains I had felt were birth pangs.  I’d had orgasms before, but not the kind I had in OM. Everything was so much deeper and more intense. It made sense that it might be a difficult transition, and something my body might fight.  I still sometimes meet women who have the same sort of “labor pains” when they start to OM, and I’m able to help them.  Our brains aren’t always wired for deep pleasure, and that rewiring can hurt. More than hurt, it can be genuinely shocking.  The rewiring is always worth it, and it doesn’t usually take too long.

During my time in San Francisco, the rewiring of orgasm showed up in many ways.  I rode BART, the city’s subway system, almost every day, and I found myself starting to strike up conversations with strangers on the train.  That’s not the sort of thing I ever did.  I was usually very guarded, but now I was chatting with all sorts of people. I made a new friend one day in the space of three BART stops, and as I said goodbye, I thought to myself, “What the hell is happening to me?  Who am I becoming?”

Eventually, I had to go home to Sweden. The sudden withdrawal from OMs was much harder than I thought it would be.  My whole body felt the scarcity and the lack. I was hungry in a way that I had never been before. It wasn’t just horniness or the need to be touched; it was deeper than that.  I realized that this kind of lack and scarcity is something men feel much of their lives.  Going without OM gave me this new empathy for what men go through as they long for connection.  I’ve become a much better coach of men as a result of this insight I had.

Even as I was climbing the walls with hunger, the benefits of OM stayed with me.  I remember the first time I went to see my regular yoga instructor after I’d gotten back home.  He studied me for a long time and said that I had completely changed my walk. He could see my energy had shifted, and I moved with greater ease and power. That’s the thing about OM; even though it’s best to practice regularly, the transformations can be enduring even if you go for a long time without it. 

I speak publicly about orgasm in Sweden. I’m a known figure in the media and on news programs.  I realize I scare people, particularly people who are struggling with something.  They can’t understand how I can speak so calmly about some things as intimate as clitorises and orgasms. I can relate a little to their fear and confusion; I remember how sick I felt when I went to my first OM demonstration.  I explain that OM is the source of this confidence and this energy they see.  It’s not just about having better sex, or finding a partner, or feeling pleasure.  It’s about finding your power.  

A reporter was interviewing me recently, and she called me “unstoppable.”  I thought, that’s a good word.  That’s exactly what OM has made me.  I’m someone who gets things moving; I make things happen. The power to do all that starts with my orgasm.