The Joy Wasn't Lost After All


I was quite a joyful little girl.  I loved my life.  And at some point, something happened that changed that.  It’s not as if I became severely depressed.  It’s that something left me, and I kept looking for it.  Through my college years, and then on to business school, I had a lot of fun, even moments of intense happiness, but I kept looking for that joy I’d known as a little girl.

I got married to a man I loved very much. It went well for a long time.  There was no overwhelming passion, but we were best friends.  We didn’t have bitter fights; we saw the world in much the same way.  The problem was that I was missing something – not just joy, but desire for my husband.  He felt it for me, but I just wasn’t attracted to him.  I don’t know if our sexual chemistry was ever really there for me, but after many years of marriage, whatever had been there was gone. It was sad: we loved each other very much, but it was as if we were trying to light a fire with wet matches.

I knew that I needed to feel like a woman, and I needed to feel that desire, with or without my husband.  I didn’t have a plan to find that desire, I just knew I needed to.  One evening, at a business dinner in Paris, I confided in an acquaintance of mine. Her eyes grew wide, and she told me about Orgasmic Meditation. It sounded wild, but amazing too – and as soon as I could, I Googled it.  As it turned out, there was an introductory workshop for OM scheduled for the following week.  I signed up.

I wasn’t ready to do OM immediately after that first workshop.  I spoke to one of the organizers afterwards, and she suggested that I try the practice with someone I know, like, and trust. I texted my husband and asked if he would do an OM Training session with me, and he was willing.  He wanted to do anything to save our marriage.  Us having our first OM together was perfect for me.  For once, my husband and I weren’t talking about what was working and what wasn’t.  We were just focused on the shared experience.  That first time was a little awkward, but even though there weren’t fireworks, it created a hunger in me to do this more.  And I wanted to do it more with my husband, because it was something new and fresh we could do together.  It was good, but it also showed us that there were limitations to how far we could go with only one another.

Eventually we started to OM with other people.  I wasn’t jealous; like I said, I wanted him to be happy.  I wanted us both to experience everything that OM had to offer.  Afterwards, he was glowing – he said it was so freeing to do it with someone else.  He had been so focused on what OM could do for our relationship when he’d been stroking me.  Doing it with another woman showed him how much there was in this practice for himself.  That was a guilt lifted for me, because I experienced so much OMing with other people too.  It was vital for each of us to discover new energies, and realize how much more intense things could be with others.

I wasn’t looking for a new romance.  Instead, it was incredible to have these experiences without romance, or the pressure to have a fling.  There was something so pure about being heart to heart, body to body, sensation to sensation with someone who doesn’t expect anything from you. I just blossomed.  I had grown up with this idea that sexual pleasure was all wrapped up in being in love.  This was somehow more intimate than sex, and it didn’t require you to be in love.  It was just a practice that unlocked so much.  After a few months of OMing, a friend said that I walked differently; not long after that, I was dancing at a cousin’s wedding, and someone who’d known me for years told me that they’d never seen me so joyful.  And when they said that, and used that word – joy – it hit me.  I’d found something I thought I’d lost forever.

My husband and I ended up divorcing, and it was the kindest and easiest divorce.  He’s still one of my best friends. OM gave us the clarity to let each other go, and it showed both of us what was possible for us if we were open to truth.  What could have been a tragedy instead felt like a mutual liberation.  When you see things clearly, there’s no other decision to be made than to set each other free.

OM hasn’t just brought pleasure and happiness.  I’ve also come to see how much I needed to change and grow.  I’ll give you an example: I’d been living with my boyfriend for a while, and one night last year I invited a few people over for dinner.  After the guests left, my boyfriend gently confronted me.  “You should ask me before you invite people over,” he said.  He wasn’t being controlling, he just wanted us to make these decisions as a team. That rocked me. I realized I’d always made the decisions for “us” when it came to my ex-husband. I would leave him out of the conversation for fear of not getting my way.  Because of the work I’ve done with OM, I didn’t get defensive or angry; I heard what my boyfriend was saying and let it in fully. 

Another big takeaway from my OM practice: I’m letting go of the old rules about what a woman’s role should be. That’s not easy; all that programming is in very deep.  If I don’t keep my practice up, I know how easy it is to slip back into the familiar.  Inhibition is a prison, and it’s as if the bars themselves grow back if you’re not attuned and connected.  If you keep up the practice, though, there’s so much magic.  More is being revealed to me all the time, and I love trying new things.  And yes, that joy I lost is mine again, for as long as I choose to cultivate it.