Looking For the Magic FormulaBY OLIVER DAMIAN
I was living in Sydney, Australia, working at a law firm, progressing towards becoming a senior associate, gunning for partnership. I had a nice apartment and a good life. But I was single and working all the time. Most of my workmates were married and most of my clients were also married. It seemed like there was just no chance for intimacy. Even though I was meditating, I felt empty—like I was floating away inside. I wasn't embodied. I avoided places where I felt the energy wasn’t good and tried to be a “pure” person. As a result of all of this, I was getting quite stressed.
A catalyzing moment came when my firm started downsizing. I was going to have to move into an area of law that was more regulatory, looking at a lot of complex legislation that meant I was going to have to start all over again if I wanted to stay with that firm. It all became too much and I decided to quit and move to London.
An ex-lover named Nancy invited me to move into her apartment, and the initial few months were really amazing. But life there eventually became stressful. I was uncertain about the future, interviewing for legal jobs in London. But my heart just wasn't in it anymore. Frankly, I was looking for a magic formula; once I get “it,” then I’ll be happy. Looking back now, I can see I had been doing that all of my life.
First I moved from the Philippines to Australia. I got out of advertising and became a paralegal. I moved from Melbourne to Sydney—maybe a bigger city would do the trick. Then I became a lawyer, because surely being a lawyer would make me happy. Then I moved to London. I was always chasing the next thing. Same thing with meditation. Maybe this kind of practice would work, or that or that. For more than ten years nothing quite satisfied. “If I could just find Shangri-La or take the red pill,” I would think, “If I could just achieve some sort of ideal state,” I wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore.
I’d been in London for two years, when Nancy showed up with her boyfriend talking about “this thing we did called Orgasmic Meditation.” When she described her experience my first reaction was, “No way.” But then I got really curious. Something attracted me to it. So I Googled OM and found a London Meetup group that I met with over breakfast. And they were interesting people—not crazy as I initially figured people would have to be to do something like this.
My first OM session I was a bit nervous. My partner was an older English woman and I confess that at that time, I hadn't expanded my preferences. My first thought was, “Oh, no, I wanted that younger woman.” But her presence was very calming, and I was able to go beyond just the technicalities. I felt energy, like electricity moving and tingling. And though it was blurry at first, as I went with the protocol I found it easy to drop into the experience. It was amazing that the sensations weren’t happening just right at the stroking finger and the clitoris but rather there was a pleasant moving, tingling feeling on the surface of the skin like the buzzing of the etheric body as the Qi or the prana moves during meditation.
My second OM experience was significant because my partner was also a lawyer who had an established OM practice. She helped me even further, showing me very specific adjustments and counter-intuitive tips—like shorter lighter strokes could be more effective than longer harder strokes. Since we met through OM, we have become good friends.
In the past, I created all these expectations that I picked up from society. Then I tried to meet them and was always disappointed, berating myself about my own lacks. Since OM I can focus my attention on the actual conditions in life. My focus is on what's present, not on what's not there. Sure, there are even times in OMing when it can be flat. But I’ve learned to just stay with it. Things change. Something flat can become blissful. There’s no way to know and there's no right way to be.
I find that in life I’m coming more from my uniqueness rather than this abstract mindset focused on things to achieve. I don’t have these judgments anymore. If I want to eat a hamburger, I do. If I want to meditate, I do. Eating and meditating are both nice. As a result of having this fluid attitude, life is less static, more dynamic and things often even surprise me.
For example, the other day a friend and I were scheduled to go for a walk. It was pouring rain, and in the past I would have said, “Forget it. Let's cancel. It's raining.” Instead I said, “Let's go have breakfast.” And it was amazing, because by the time we arrived in the park, the rains stopped we were able to have a great walk.
Since OM, I have this grounding presence. Old stories from my past don’t have the same hold on me that they used to have. The old stories feel less important. I’m expanding my preferences and now have friends who are in their 20s and 50s and 60s. I’m even part of a suicide prevention group. My old issue of lack of intimacy is gone and I can be open enough to talk about suicide and other deeply personal issues and help people who are thinking about killing themselves. In the past, I would run away from these topics.
I now know there is no such things as a magical formula. But when you have OM, who needs one?