More Possible Than I’d ImaginedBY LORRAINE
I hit my bottom in a mine. I like telling people that. I’ve been a miner for most of my adult life, and I’m 39 – so I have more experience than most people with going deep. I’m still in the mining business, but I’ve learned how to find other kinds of depth.
My life wasn’t a disaster before OM. Rather, it was like a series of small and exhausting frustrations that had left me tired and burned out. It wasn’t just that I had grown tired of mining, though I had. I had always been one of the few women who went below ground, but the novelty had worn off. The sexism that used to rile me up had just ground me down. And in every other area of my life, I was feeling this utter lack of interest. I didn’t care about my friends, and I was growing more distant from my family.
The only thing I was interested in was sexual adventure, but even that didn’t usually go well for me. Sex was where there seemed to be the best chance of pleasure and connection. I had been broken up with my boyfriend for over three years. I had thought I was going to marry him. We had already picked out names for our children, and looked at houses we might want to live in once we were settled. That break-up threw me for a loop, and it left me struggling to make connections with new people.
I can remember this very attractive guy asked me out – he was younger than I was, strikingly handsome. I’d never gone out with a younger man, always preferring older guys. And I turned this boy down, and he got all flustered. I then promptly said yes to the next guy who did ask me out, someone whom I was much less attracted to. I had this pattern of ruminating over missed opportunities. Intimate connection was what I wanted most, but I was bad at getting it.
I realized I carried my dad around with me a lot before I came to OM. My father is older, and a very particular kind of conservative, macho, Australian man. He and I had never gotten along; when I was a teen, we used my mother as a go-between. Dad would literally tell her what to tell me, rather than doing it himself. He wanted me to accept that it was a man’s world, and let men lead me. I’d gone into mining, at least in part, to prove him wrong. When something would end up going poorly with a guy I was trying to date, I’d hear my dad’s voice saying that it was predictable that it would end up in disaster. What did I expect, trying to lead?
It was after one of these frustrating experiences that I found OM. I found it on an internet search, literally looking for almost anything to do with the female orgasm. I was curious, and read as much as I could about the practice. Eventually, I tried it with a guy I was dating. It wasn’t very good, honestly, because we had no proper training, and we kept thinking of it as a kind of foreplay. I figured out that this wasn’t the ideal partner for me, so I kept looking until I was able to connect with some active OM practitioners down here in Australia.
I took a workshop and tried again. OM with some formal training made all the difference. The first time I OMed with someone other than the guy I’d been dating, my partner struck me as this shy, rather immature young man. I was very doubtful I’d be able to feel anything. We had no chemistry that I could see, and I was already wary after having had such a mediocre experience prior. To put it simply, it was amazing. I wasn’t expecting the sensation of a lifetime, but that’s what I got.
It wasn’t just the orgasm. I felt like I was on fire, not so much in my genitals but in my arm, and then my chest. It felt like they were burning, but not painfully or unpleasantly, but rather in this wonderful way I’d never imagined before. You know that heat you get in your chest when you’re angry and you have to get something out? It was like that, except there was no rage, just this fullness and fire and joy. I realized that this was about so much more than sex. If I couldn’t connect with someone I was attracted to, and then have this incredible experience with a man who didn’t interest me in the slightest? Then there must be so much more possible than I had imagined. And I wanted more. I still want more.
It’s because of what I’ve experienced in OM that I now have a plan to get out of the mines. I am studying something called spinal flow. It’s a healing technique that works on energetic principles, and many of those principles are rooted in the same truths as OM. I don’t know where it’s going to take me, but I do know I’m excited about something new. I’m curious, I’m open, and I’m eager to learn more and experience more. Compared to the bored and cynical me of just a few years ago, that’s a huge shift.
Even though I look forward to leaving the mining industry someday, OM has made even this difficult work easier. I’m putting out a different energy, and my co-workers can sense it even if they have no idea what caused it. I’m asking for leadership roles, and I’m getting them – and being treated with more consideration than ever before. No, I haven’t healed the rift with my father. I’m not sure I ever will. I have, however, done a lot of healing with other men in my life, including the men I know below the ground. I like them and respect them and feel their respect in return. That’s so much more, and so much better, than I could have ever expected.