Finding What I Had Been MissingBY LISELOTTE
Before I tried Orgasmic Meditation for the first time, my marriage was ending and I was so caught up in my job, my family and my personal issues that I had lost all connection with my body. I would constantly fret about the future or obsess over the past, having nearly forgotten how to be present in the here and now. OM has given me access to a new sense of presence and contentment. It has improved my relationships emotionally and physically, and rekindled my interest in physical and romantic relationships.
I had been with my husband for 23 years, but we hadn’t been intimate in nearly 3 years. We were co-parenting and living in the same house, but that was pretty much it. I missed both the emotional intimacy and the physicality of sex. It had been so long, I guess, that my physicality just sort of turned off, and as a result, I felt this numbing sense of disconnection with my own body. Meanwhile, I was hectically busy being a parent and a professional, but with nothing to really look forward to.
A friend of mine was trying OM, and she suggested it might help me reconnect with my physicality. I thought it sounded incredibly strange and kind of crazy, but I was intrigued nevertheless. I truly believe that things come to you when you need them, so I was open to the idea that an OM practice could be helpful for me.
My friend insisted OM was not like sex, but that was hard to believe. How could it not be like sex when I’m lying there with my legs open, having a man touch me for fifteen minutes?
I was nervous and skeptical the whole time, but I attended a training, and I started to become more convinced OM could be helpful for me. During the training and the explanations, the practice started to make more sense, and I began to see its potential.
Finally, I joined an OM group on a messaging app and found a partner for my first OM. I took some time looking for someone experienced and serious, and once I got past the initial nervousness of taking my trousers off in front of a stranger, I was able to focus on my breathing and my sensations in a way that felt very centering.
My first OM partner was kind and patient, and we had a wonderful chat afterward. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a great first experience. And for the first time in a very long time, I was able to briefly put everything else aside – my job, my kids, my marriage – and just be present.
I kept up my OM practice with sessions once or twice a week. I found that OM gave me access to a new sense of presence and a new awareness of my body. I remember the first time it really clicked. After my first few months of OMing, I had connected with a few stable, recurring partners. During this particular OM, I was in the nest, comfortable, and focusing my attention on my own sensations. I asked my partner to slow down, so I could focus even more intently, and really be present with the sensations I was feeling. I was so unconcerned with climax, utterly not focused on the idea of getting anywhere. I could stay where I was without hurrying on to the next thing or worrying about what had already happened.
That’s what I mean by presence. An immediacy, a sense of being here and now, truly in the present, and nowhere else. It took some practice for me to get there, but once I did, having access to that sense of presence and that feeling of calm was incredibly helpful and valuable.
I also noticed that my OM practice had very positive effects in other parts of my life. I started dating again and started pursuing romantic and physical relationships. I found that I finally had a proper sex life again because I could enjoy sex – emotionally and physically – in a way I never had before.
The first man I got involved with after my marriage broke up was this cute guy I met on the Eurostar. I had just dropped my kids off with my ex, who lived in Belgium, and we’d had a massive row. After this big fight, I told myself the next time I met someone I fancied, I was going to do something about it. Whatever happened, I would let it happen. I wasn’t going to stop it. I had been OMing for a while, and I felt somewhat reconnected with my body and my sexuality. I felt ready.
And that very night, on the train back to England, I sat next to this cute guy. We talked the whole ride, all the way to London, then he invited me back to his hotel room. I told him “no” that night, but eventually we did meet up, and I felt very comfortable telling him what I needed and setting the terms of our interaction.
I really do believe that things come to you when you need them. For me, OM came to me at the time I needed it most. It was truly a godsend. Now when I’m with someone, I can just be in me, really experiencing and enjoying without worrying too much. I feel confident making requests and expressing my preferences without being bossy or controlling, and without feeling too self-conscious.
Of course, not everything is perfect. This past year has made OMing more difficult to arrange, and before that I had paused my OM practice because I didn’t think the guy I was seeing would understand. But I’m hopeful that I will pick up my OM practice again soon. I miss the sense of presence and the grounding, centering effect it has.
OM is also the one thing I have that’s just for me. Not for my clients, or my kids, or anyone else. It has really taught me to present, not think about work, or about shopping, cooking or generally being a mum. It is immensely valuable to me, to my relationships, and to my well-being.