The Acceptance Spread to the Rest of My LifeBY MERCEDES
Back in 2014 I had a lot of emotional releasing to do. I’d been dating a narcissist and was mourning the breakup of that codependent relationship. I didn't love myself or know if there was a place for me. I’d started going to The School of Womanly Arts and had a wonderful support community around me. I’d heard about Orgasmic Meditation way back in 2007, but I was a little afraid of the practice and didn’t get into it. But then, seven years later, I kept seeing all these women around me flourishing and walking around with this glow about them. And every time I would check in with one of them, they would tell me they were OMing and having all these transformations.
I still wasn't sure Orgasmic Meditation was right for me. I didn't feel safe at the time to be honest. But one woman friend in particular was very supportive. She said, “I will go with you. We'll do it together.” And we did.
It sounds strange, but OMing gave me permission to not to have to orgasm. It taught me that orgasm wasn't the main point of sex. It’s nice, but to fully enjoy my body’s range of sensation it couldn’t be all about getting to the finish line. Also, I grew up Catholic, so there was all this hidden guilt around sex and masturbation that I carried. Orgasmic Meditation gave me permission to explore my sensuality. It gave me permission to explore my body. And that changed my life.
There were women that I knew OMing, women that I trusted. The way the practice was set up was clinical and there were boundaries. And it was the boundaries that helped me feel safe and secure. All that gave me the comfort and the freedom I needed to just let loose and go for it. I also had a few consistent partners that I kept OMing with, and that was nice, too, because it built up trust in my partner. Once we were in that environment, in the nest, it was just about two souls doing an energy exchange … a situation of receiving and a giving that was beautiful.
Eventually I moved and stopped OMing because it was just too far to travel to get to sessions. But the practice was life changing for me. Aside from learning to relax and enjoy my body and enjoy sex without an end goal in mind, I know the practice boosted my confidence level as well. I felt all this newfound sexual freedom … a newfound me. And somehow this newfound me knew it was okay to say goodbye to a relationship that I was holding onto. Prior to that I was afraid that I wouldn't find someone better. But then that feeling just disappeared. I knew that someone better would come my way. I knew I could be me and that I could enjoy myself. I knew I could have sex if I wanted to. I could date if I wanted to. I could be alone if I wanted to and be okay with it. I didn't have to be in a relationship and be afraid of what people would think of me if I wasn’t. It took away all that.
In fact, just recently I realized that the current relationship I’m in wasn’t right for either of us. Unlike in the past, where I would hold on, this time I knew instantly. And I refused to string this guy along. I told him, “I know you don't understand this now. But I just don't think we're right for each other. And I want to leave the path open for both of us to meet someone new.” I never could have said that before!
I'm still learning that it's okay for whatever to come up to come up and not make it into a thing. That was one of the things that I got from OMing. Things would come up, and it'd be great or not or whatever. I could be crying and it could feel great because it was so cathartic. And that acceptance just spread to the rest of life. And that has been really freeing.