Setting My Mind FreeBY MARCIN
Growing up, my life was rather like that of Cinderella, with the wicked stepmother putting me down all the time. She would beat me and unload all her negative emotions onto me, using violence and physical force to get me to do what she wanted. My father was mostly absent and left me in her care, believing that because she was a woman that I was in safe hands.
As a young man, I didn’t have much understanding of life. I didn't know what life was about or what was expected of me. Everyone wants to live happily, but I couldn't be happy because I couldn’t live effectively. It always felt like there was something stopping me from having happiness in my life. Whenever I achieved what I wanted I would I stop focusing on that and get relaxed and then things would fall apart. It was a pattern I repeated over and over again. I would lose my focus on work, for example, and start losing contracts and money until I woke up and started the whole process all over again.
As far as my personal life was concerned, my relationship with my girlfriend was very difficult. We didn’t have good communication and I didn’t know how to change that. I was clearly sabotaging myself in relationship as well as work but didn’t know what to do about it.
I got onto the spiritual path fairly early. I was doing a lot of psychedelics to compensate for all my feelings of insecurity and uncertainty about life and how I was and who I was supposed to be. I was pressed really hard. And then in 1999 I had an experience of my mind going completely free and clear. It was amazing! After that my goal in life became about waking up and experiencing that freedom and clarity of mind again.
Everything really changed from that point on. I realized that my reality is coming from me. From that day forward I started doing things differently and started taking responsibility for whatever was happening in my life. I realized I am the cause of everything happening to me, and started to try to find the reasons behind things that happened.
A friend had been telling me about OM for a couple years, but I just couldn’t engage it—mostly because another friend was always making fun about it. But finally, I got in a very difficult situation with my girlfriend. It turns out our son, who was four years old at the time, was not mine. Given my goal to take responsibility, I accepted everything and tried to forgive her and not punish her by having bad feelings towards her. Even so she didn't change her behavior towards me. We stopped having sex and I felt completely disconnected.
At that point my curiosity about OM was bigger than any hesitations. I started off fairly slowly, having an OM once a week. And it felt really good having more access to women. I never had been much on connecting with my body. I was much more in touch with my mind and my emotions. During those first sessions I felt basic feelings of warmth, but nothing like all the different descriptions I had heard other people in classes give about their experiences.
My girlfriend was never relaxed or open, and I was thirsty for that. As I progressed with OM, I also became more focused on God and the spiritual connection, learning how to read a woman and understand how she behaved and how she was communicating with me. The main thing is I learned to be completely present. I learned to completely shut off everything else when I was with a woman. My goal was to be relaxed and learn how to be myself while focusing on what I was doing.
I had a very negative image of women in my life because of my stepmom, and OM helped me to slowly erase that old image and install a new healthy image of what a woman is and how I can communicate with a woman and learn her individual behaviors and needs. It also gave me moments of mental clarity and freedom that I so longed for.
I haven’t been practicing for a while now, but I'm a completely different person since doing the work. OM gave me power to came out from that toxic relationship. The woman I’m dating now has all the aspects of a healthy woman and I finally feel safe loving a woman and loving myself.
Before OM, I was hiding so much and was so shy about myself and unable to communicate. That’s all changed. My business relationships have changed for the better as well. I used to experience lots of misunderstanding and lots of anger and control issues that kept me from establishing good working relationships. Now I’m miles beyond all those things. I know more who I am, and my self-esteem has increased. I'm controlling my life now, and I have everything I wanted.
OM was a real game changer for me.