I Accessed the Ability to Feel

BY DREA

The first time I tried Orgasmic Meditation, I realized how numb I was. I just lay there with my pants off, having my clitoris stroked, and felt nothing. Yet I still felt like I was in the right place. It felt natural. Something inside me said to keep going. 

I never had any consistency in my life before OM. The OM container gave me a place to see myself, over and over, under the same conditions. With OM, I knew I could go in and completely give myself to the practice for 15 minutes. I knew that, for 15 minutes, I could lie down and let go. I could be inside the practice and let it change me. I didn’t have to worry about anything. 

I get so much done in a day now because I’ve created containers of focused attention for whatever it is that I’m doing. OM gave me both the framework for how to structure things and the understanding that there is something sacred about this structure. It showed me the sacredness of ritual and brought that sacredness to my day-to-day life.  

It’s also trained me to communicate my needs. By asking for OMs, and asking for adjustments within my OMs, I have found a new ability to ask for my desires. Being able to ask, and feel okay while asking, has affected all of my relationships.  

Before OM, I would ask for things in a watery way, to avoid the discomfort of feeling rejected. Now, I’ve become much more efficient with my requests. If I ask for something, and the person says no, I can just say “thank you” and move on. I can even feel when someone who has said yes to me has acquiesced and doesn’t really want to do what I’ve asked. I have no issues around saying no to requests now. I don’t feel bad or guilty like I used to.

Before OM, every emotion I felt had to have a story or a reason. I could only have a feeling if there was a reason to have it. For example, if my mom was angry with me, I had a right to feel sad, so I had a reason to cry. But when I cried in my OMs, there wasn’t any story or reason for me to cry. I might cry, or laugh, or feel a sensation, just because that’s what was happening in my body. Now, I know that my purpose in life is to feel. That’s all I have to do. If I’m feeling, and I’m in my body, then I’m in my purpose. Everything I need is right there. I don’t have to reach for it. 

I used to grasp. I used to feel anxiety about what to do next. But now I know that all I need to do is be still and feel. There’s just something that needs to be felt in that moment. The kind of dancer I am, and the kind of dance that I teach, moves in and out of the realm of emotion. So in order for me to be successful in my work, I have to feel. OM gave me access to that.