Trusting Men AgainBY CAMILLA RICHTER
You could say that Orgasmic Meditation took the mystery out of men for me. I had been educated at an all-girls school, and throughout my career found myself in predominantly female work environments. I had found it simpler to be friends with guys than to get into romantic relationships. By the time I learned Orgasmic Meditation, I had been single for almost a decade. It wasn’t that I hadn’t had any serious relationships. I had been long-term monogamous three times, but, in each of these relationships, I had felt really confused about how to make things work. I had done everything to be a supportive partner and had sacrificed for the greater good of the relationship. But that never seemed to work, at least not for the long haul.
For me, OM was nothing short of revolutionary. There was no pressure on me to be witty or attractive. There were no unspoken rules to learn because, in an OM, there are no games being played. Whereas sex had been a pressure-filled experience, centered on climaxing and ensuring that my partner had it good, in an OM I treasured my absolute right not to feel. If ever I get confused about what I am feeling, I simply let go completely and allow new sensations to arise out of nothing. Not having to stroke the male ego has been irreplaceable!
I found something I can share with a man without worrying about what he thinks. In my relationships, I had spent a lot of time focused on what my partners wanted and on second-guessing myself. OM put the spotlight on what I wanted, and the practice of giving adjustments in an OM taught me how to ask for it.
After I began to OM, I realized that I had never been assertive about my desires in my relationships. I had been able to express myself only if I needed to defend myself. The OM practice helped me to see that I was uncomfortable being vulnerable, trusting and open enough to share my desires, especially if there was the risk of hearing a “no.” Asking men to OM addressed this in a fundamental way. At first, I would wince at hearing the word no. Eventually, I not only began to enjoy putting myself out there and asking for OMs, but I also grew to accept the word altogether. Gradually, I learned to ask for other things and to be very specific in my requests.
OM taught me I can receive attention from men without having to offer anything in return. The safe space created by the container of OM led me to a newfound sense of connection and trust with the opposite sex. I now know that there are men willing to be supportive of women, who help without ulterior motives. Men have become real human beings to me. My OM partners have shown me that men can be trusted. The men I have met through the OM practice have also just wanted to settle into meditation and enjoy the benefits of allowing their minds to go still. Like me, they have wanted to let go of the pressure to do it right and make something happen.
When I first started the practice, I would sometimes feel really frustrated if things weren’t going a certain way. After six months, I started to believe my body should behave differently. But I have been able to release all that and relax into the reality that an OM can be different every time, and it is always valuable. I have been OMing for two years now and have gained a deep approval for both myself and whatever is happening in the moment.