Prior to Orgasmic Meditation, I was physically and emotionally numb. I was battling an addiction without even realizing it. I thought it was totally normal to smoke weed every day. At no time did I think I was an addict.
I was highly sensitive and intuitive from a young age. It was terrifying. I didn’t know how to deal with the intense amount of emotion I’d feel, so I numbed myself for years. I found drugs and soon learned they could keep me from feeling so much. I went from volatile to numb. When you smoke weed everyday, things feel pretty chill.
Weed gave me a new lease on life. There were no more panic attacks at school. I could study. I got good grades. I felt so normal. In my 20s, I’d wake up, go to work, go to the gym, come home, eat dinner, smoke weed, go to sleep. My weekends were about finding a party to rage out at and be hungover after.
Eventually, I started to hit the bottom of my addiction. I remember being at my desk one day and receiving an upsetting work email followed by a disturbing personal call. I felt that intense rush of emotion and went to the bathroom to regain my composure. Instead, I fell to the floor. As I lay there sobbing, I was desperately searching for an excuse to leave work early so I could get home to smoke weed and calm myself down. It was all I could think to do.
Over the next six months, the weed stopped doing its job altogether. The same terrifying feelings would return and I didn’t know any other way to address them. I knew I needed to find something. I started seeking ways to help me feel okay about myself and my intense emotions.
I began with an internet search and was soon following feel-good, raise-your-frequency light-bringers. I got on all kinds of email lists, one of which was from a coaching business in the women’s health and sexuality niche.
I signed up for a free consultation. I felt safe talking with the coach, she understood me. I was open with her about the fact that I smoked a lot of weed and it wasn’t necessarily something I wanted to change.
She asked about my relationships. I shared about how I’d been heartbroken from my first love and how that part of my life was off limits. It was the first time I’d had a conscious open conversation about relationships with a stranger. A few sessions into working together, she mentioned OM as a good fit for me and invited me to an event.
I went. Just talking about intimacy, Orgasmic Meditation, and sexuality left me feeling flushed and alive. I was both oddly drawn to and super resistant to OMing. I kept thinking, ‘No way am I letting a dude I don’t know stroke me!’ Still, I felt there was something there for me. Here were people willing to talk about all of life and consciousness, not just the neat and tidy ascendant parts, but deep, gritty, not-so-neat parts too, like sex. When I felt ready—and I took my time—I learned to OM.
In my first OM, I didn’t feel much. But with practice—and because I was naturally such a deep feeler—it didn’t take long for my body to thaw and return from numbness.
After I started OMing, my old patterns naturally fell away. I didn’t consciously choose to quit smoking weed, but everything about my life shifted. So, it was no longer part of my routine. I spent time with sober people in the community and began to fill my day with things that were all based in connection. I stopped using weed to relax, because it turned out that connection, intimacy and orgasm worked better!
The OM practice also radically shifted my experience of intimacy. It was like a deep immersion into intimacy. Asking for an OM is intimate. Being in the nest is intimate. Your partner having their full attention on your genitals and stroking is intimate. Talking about your experience is intimate. It opened a huge door to intimacy for me and shifted my whole view of what’s possible.
OM brought me back to myself—the self I had abandoned without even knowing it. I reclaimed parts of myself that I didn’t feel safe having before. Like passion. Before OM, I wasn’t feeling really passionate about anything—relationships, sex, work, purpose. The flame of passion in me had gone out; OM reignited it.
The practice itself turned my body on in such a way that I had an alive feeling all the time. Physically, OMing turns my body on. During and after an OM, I feel the pulsing, the warmth, the saturated feminine orgasm, the fullness. From this place of fullness, I feel passion and I feel alive.
See Marissa tell her story here!
Marissa is a 29-year-old health and wellness teacher living in New York City.